"What you don't want me to climb up on the patio table and knock your plants over?"
"Get dressed? Catch me if you can!"
"Wait Mom, I must try on every shoe in the house first."
"I just dragged this little table over to the counter so I could wash my dinosaur with this neat sponge. ROAR!"
"Must climb inside all things!"
There are lots of characteristics that set humans a part from other life: our ability to love for love's sake; our ability to choose actions against our own nature; and how we live out our frailty. This post is about frailties in my life right now.
I have said many a times that I do not suffer as many symptoms of pregnancy as other women do. Now, I find myself stopped dead in my tracks. It's not life threatening, at least not yet. But it is excruciating. The varicose veins in my legs have become unbearably painful in the past couple months. I have not been able to fully comprehend the pain or how to deal with it until recently.
I have been such a healthy person my whole life, I kept trying to talk myself into not being a wuss about--I have tried to find ways to endure it all without making a big deal of it. A lot of days, I really do not have a choice. Our family need me to care for them. Further, it is my opinion that one should not turn one's own suffering into suffering for others as well. I know that I have not always succeeded at being that stoic who quietly suffers. But, I guess sometimes you need to be a little vocal about things in order to honor the gift of your physical temple.
In retrospect, I have suffered from this problem in each pregnancy, but I did not know what it was until now when it became so visible from the outside. I just dealt with it in the past as though it were just part and parcel of being pregnant. But, it's not. It's worse than that now. Had I known that this was the problem I would have been wearing support hose through all my pregnancies. Now it looks as though a vein stripping is going to be the path for me--at least that is what has been recommended.
Future pregnancies are not out of the question, but it is not advisable as this problem will reoccur and it will get worse. I just have bad, weak veins in my legs. I feel very emotional about this. Even the thought of all this is a little unbearable as well, which is why I write about it. I am not looking for sympathy. I am just hashing through these very stirring thoughts that have haunted me this week.
I was prescribed support hose a month ago and I could not believe the difference. It was a little hard for me to accept this at first, but since they really helped me get through the day without pain I got over it. Monday this week, my hose ripped unexpectedly. I thought I would survive without them since I only have three weeks left in the pregnancy. But within a couple of days things were unbearably bad again.
I have noticed that the days I do not wear them I cannot get through the day without crying. I was beside myself with worry and pain. The hose cost $100 each. I did not feel we could afford that. I could not justify the expense in my head for a couple more weeks. I knew it would take time for them to arrive. My midwife said I should take them back to the medical store, because they should not have done that. I did not think so either.
I took them back and they said that the product has a 100% satisfaction guarantee and they would replace them. Wow--great product. Since, I will likely need these in the future I am definitely a happy customer and will be a repeat customer. Initially they told me that it would take three weeks to get them because they had to complete their own inventory before they were allowed to order again. I burst into tears there in the store and asked if there was something more they could do, because the pain was too much. They said they would look again. They found one pair of black maternity hose in a higher compression. And relief was granted again. What huge answer to my prayers this was. I was up early in the morning worrying and offering up emergency prayers for an answer to this problem. I am always so humbled to receive such signs that Heaven really is hearing and answering my prayers.
So even though humanity is frail in a multitude of ways, we are loved by a merciful Creator. He blesses us in many ways daily.
(On a side note, the men in my life have been so supportive lately. I have to be very thankful for this. Andrew has been helping out in every way he can and given me lots of time to do what I need/want to do. It's hard to balance a full-time job and a nine months pregnant wife. Alex has offered to help me with chores this week. This is a big move for him. I did not ask him to help at all. A couple of times he has offered to help me so that I can have time to play with him. Which I would much rather play with him, because it is fun and relaxing and usually means sitting on the floor, off my feet, and playing legos, or some other relaxing activity, or cuddling. Tonight, he offered to help clean up the kitchen after dinner so that I could "do nothing" after he went to bed. So sweet. These are the moments in motherhood that make a momma proud.)
It was an agonizing five year wait, but we finally decided it was time to bestow on our son original sized legos. This is one of the greatest toy inventions in history. They are so creative and so well made and perfect for every kid. We had to wait until we felt he was responsible enough to take care of a full set. He has had a couple little sets, but this is his first big set. I decided he needed something other than computer games to keep him occupied during the seemingly endless days.
I gave him his own corner in the playroom to keep out younger, irresponsible siblings. He's been building since they arrived in the mail yesterday.
In turn, we had to give the girls a very girly private space to play. Not sure this is an entirely good plan as it does not promote sharing. But, the younger kids are too young for this toy.
Silly Girl - Yeah, she crosses her eyes and makes them go every which way to be silly.
"You make the grass grow for the cattle and plants for people’s work to bring forth food from the earth, wine to gladden their hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread to sustain the human heart." (Psalm 104).
Every spring I have the urge to plant. This spring is no different. I have begun this garden for Blessed Theotokos. We are selling Marian Garden seed-packets for a fundraiser for my Mom's group. So I wanted to plant these seed packets. But, first I had to dig up sod in my back yard and prepare the soil. I dug up this 4x9 bed by myself and tilled it.
It took weeks because I have been waiting for my husband to bring me soil and a tiller to complete it. Finally, I dragged the rambunctious kiddie crew to the garden store by myself and picked up the supplies. I was very frustrated and annoyed herding the chicks, running everywhere, and so were other garden shoppers. But, the people who worked there professed having three and four kids themselves and they knew what it was like. They could laugh with me.
Now the planting has begun. I planted three banana pepper plants and two tomato plants, because I always think that good soil ought render food. I am also planting flowers from my Marian seed packets: marigolds, blue forget-me-nots, and white shasta daisies.
I have asked my husband to build me a shrine box for the icon below as a Mother's Day gift. I don't think it will happen. We don't have wood-working tools. But, I will find someway to put the icon in my garden. ;-) I'll post pictures as my garden grows.
I had Alex take a picture of me working on my bed.
For some reason Alex took a couple pictures of my belly. Yeah, flattering--not, and I post it on the internet. It's a baby-belly update--36 weeks. Not much longer now.
I should mention that stranger's comments have changed from shock that I have so much time left to "You look awesome for 36 weeks."
I do not know what the difference is in their heads, but I will take it.
Whew. I look at how busy life has been in recent times and look ahead at how busy life is going to be with no slowing in sight. I am wondering what if anything needs to be trimmed from my life. I can see that perhaps, I need to be even more disciplined and have even greater fortitude. This all stems from my inability to find a balance for all I wish to accomplish, including a simple Easter blog. Yet perhaps, I need to remember how life pauses a bit for the preparation, birth and rearing of a new child. It takes nearly two years, from conception to a year old, to come to a place where life is flowing again; and for us we have then begun the cycle again as soon as we are comfortable again. I feel like we never reached a comfortable rhythm in life after Annie was born, but maybe after Lucy.
Here are our Easter memories from this year. I did not take many pictures this year. I have just been trying not to meltdown lately. But, I feel like we were able to keep the spirit of the feast.
Baking Pascha Bread
Kitchen Helpers
Right from the start I regretted deciding to make the Pascha bread this year. I had told myself that it would be all right if I skipped it this year. I hate the mess and I knew I would be on my feet far longer than my body would agree with. I also found that I did not have the patience for my little helpers.
"Alex, please stop putting your fingers in the flour and licking them!"
Annie Throwing a Fit on the Floor
Kids Everywhere
Andrew was not around to help with the children. He was working on our yard most of the day. (I really wish we lived close to family.) Finally, Annie tossed the last egg I had on the floor. I needed it for glazing the bread. I threw all the toys out of the kitchen, begged them to stay out and borrowed an egg from the neighbor. They tip-toed back into the kitchen giggling minutes later. Ack, how can they be so adorable and aggravating at the same time!
Success, Despite Aggravation
What's Pascha Bread Without Lamb Shaped Butter?
Easter Egg Dyeing
I did not take any pictures of the kids dyeing their multi-colored eggs. I was just trying to run interference. Plus, once you have seen one kid drop an egg into a dye cup…Anyhow, after we were mostly done dyeing I asked the kids to come see, Mommy's red eggs. Alex was fascinated. He asked me why my eggs were red. I explained it and then he proceeded to ask what each color of the eggs he had dyed meant. So I told him what I thought they meant based on icon colors. Then he said that we need a black egg. So we spent over an hour dipping one egg into various colors. That egg, we decided, represented Christ's three days in Hell. Yeah, Alex is a pretty cool kid.
Alex's Black Egg
A Series of Baby Easter Basket Cuteness -
She ate everything in her basket instantly. She didn't have much, but it was still a lot in a short amount of time.
The Claytons on Easter 2012 - We Made It and It Is Good
(By the hand of Kristiana)
Troparion:
By raising Lazarus from the dead before Thy passion,
Thou didst confirm the universal resurrection, O Christ God.
Like the children with the palms of victory,
We cry out to Thee, O Vanquisher of death,
Hosanna in the highest!
Blessed is He that comes in the Name of the Lord.
(by the hand of Kristiana)
Troparion, tone 8:
When Thy glorious Disciples were enlightened at the supper by the feet washing,
then the impious Judas was darkened with the disease of avarice,
and he delivered Thee, the Just Judge, to the lawless judges.
See, O lover of money, this man through money came to hang himself.
Flee the insatiable desire which dared to do such things to the Master.
O Lord, Who art good towards all, glory to Thee.
Konlakion, tone 2:
Having taken bread in his hand, the traitor secretly stretches it out,
and takes a price for Him Who with His own hands made man.
And Judas remained an incorrigible slave and liar.
(By the hand of Alexander)
Troparion, tone 4:
Thou hast redeemed us from the curse of the Law by Thy precious Blood.
By being nailed to the Cross and pierced with the Spear,
Thou hast poured immortality on mankind.
O our Saviour, glory to Thee.
Kontakion, tone 8:
Come, let us all praise Him Who was crucified for us.
For Him it was Whom Mary beheld on the Tree, and said:
Even though Thou endurest the cross, Thou art my Son and my God.
***
Today: I will make our Pascha bread and butter shaped like lambs; meditate and light incense. Tomorrow we will dye Easter eggs.
A little story: I brought the incense out on Holy Monday morning and set it on the counter. It is a little glass mason jelly jar, filled with little white resin pebbles of incense. In the past, I have done bean jars with Alex for Lent. Whenever a child does something good you put a black bean in his jar. On Good Friday you fill the jar with white beans. Then tell the child that the white beans represent how Christ's sacrifice and death makes up for all the good that he did not do in his life. All the sins he ever committed, Christ's death and resurrection overtakes them. Christ fills the rest of his life with good where he could not.
So when Alex saw my jar filled with white incense pebbles he said, "Mommy, are those your sins or mine."
I replied, "Those are not either. Those are prayers that we are going to send up to Heaven." Then I lit some incense to show him how the prayers go up to Heaven. We will light incense again today on Good Friday.
Here are the three Icon crosses that worked on during Lent for our God-children. They are based upon the San Domiano Crucifix. I wanted to do this crucifix because it is my intention that our God-children have a set of religious items by adulthood that will aid them in their faith once they are grown. I want them to have icons of Christ, Blessed Theotokos, guardian angel and a crucifix, a Bible and a catechism.
I am not a wood-worker. I have no tools, so I could not create the shape of the San Domiano cross. I also did not feel I have time to do the whole SDC image. But, I do like this image of the crucifixion. I like this image because Christ is both crucified and also appears alive--Resurrected. We are the Church of the Risen Christ. This is important.
I plan to write three more of this Crucifix for others. It was surprisingly more difficult than I had hoped. I thought I might be able to do these more quickly, but the process and dedication to an icon is always daunting.
Here is the visual journey of this Icon:
1. Fear of Constriction - Got my support hose :-( It took me five tries putting them on by myself. I cut the heck out of my thumb with my toenail--the toenail I cannot reach to cut. They totally worked for the four hours I wore them. Then I could not wait to get out of them for bed time stories. I was a total exhausted mess and feel asleep at 8:30 p.m. in the middle of story time. I hate being bound up and I wonder if the hose have anything to do with the severity of the body exhaustion. Maybe I just over did it. I am also concerned that my husband will not have time to help me get these hose on, or will sleep long past me.
2. Fear of Suffering - I'll be honest, most of this pregnancy and the others too, I have felt like I have been hanging on by a thread. As I have said before, I do not even suffer from severe pregnancy complications and symptoms. Pregnancy really brings to light God's curse on woman. I just really want to bear it with grace and I am afraid I don't do that well. I hope I also can learn empathy for others who suffer bodily. I CAN do this and I know there is end in sight. I can't imagine having to suffer pain knowing that there is no end in sight. After the baby is born, I know the burdens of child-rearing will still be there and great. I think what I suffer is the fear of not knowing how much I will suffer. Anyone can overcome their suffering if they can redirect their attentions.
3. Fear at the Wonder of God - I love these little fleshy, soul-bearing blessings God has graced upon us. I wonder, WONDER, how many He wishes the bestow upon us; and sometimes I fear it. I believe in God's Providence, but it is quite another thing to know exactly what His Providence is. I do not feel like we became fully human until these children came into our lives. It is not until one has children that one can see an even greater picture of the world, the universe, the great beyond, and see oneself reflected in them.
4. Secret Dreams - Andrew and I made the decision to send Alex to public school next year and we have been at peace about this. Alex has continued progress in his education at home this spring. We have taken a very nonchalant attitude and have planned out very little of it. We also found a computer game that Alex will do anything to get a chance to play. So he works on school so he can play. Sometimes I think I should be more crafty with the kids, but it's certainly not what Alex's needs or wants right now…All this to say, I still go to various home school curricula sites and peruse and dream about enrolling my kids. I think Alex will be bored at public school, but will love daily social activity. I will work with Kristiana on preschool this next year and I am excited to start her formal education.
5. Secret Projects - I have a lot I want to accomplish before the baby is born and I try to remember the REST of my life does not hinge upon the birth of this child. I can do things after she is born--like the pantry reorganization. I did reorganize my linen closet and put away the newborn baby girl clothes. I started a garden bed, but I need help to finish it and that's like pulling teeth to get help. I decided to sell my boy clothes. Why am I holding on to five tubs of boys clothing when I have a third girl on the way and need to purchase summer clothing for our oldest girl? Then I have to go through the girls' clothes and get those organized. It never ends--and all the clothing business does need to be done before the baby is born.
6. Sneak Peek - Almost done. These are my the Icons I have been working on for Great Lent. They are for our God-children. With our first God-child I decided I would always send gift for Easter. It was an easy choice because the same year she became our God-child, her parents entered the Church and gifts were only natural. Easter is God's greatest gift to the world and our faith revolves around this greatest of Feasts. I may forget birthdays, but I will never forget Easter.
7. Little Confessions - Just ate a pop tart and a handful of potato chips, because that's what the kids are eating right now, this mid-morning. I don't really have another quick take right now and I have to go wash the cloth diapers, which I have been falling behind washing because I am too tired at night to do and need to work on my Icons--speaking of Icon, better go polyurethane those... So, have a Holy, Holy, Holy Week.
K, after this little vent I feel better. Thanks for bearing with me, Friend.
Just a little mom-spiration: As my friend and I visited the other day she mentioned that her sister had six kids and her oldest is nine years old. I asked her how it was going. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with just three kids. I do not know how older moms get through pregnancies with many more kids. But anyhow, my friend said her sister does great. She totally has a Mother's Rule going on and she home schools. The kids all pitch in around the house and the bathrooms get cleaned everyday--and there was my light bulb. I like our bathrooms to be clean, but they do not get cleaned as often as I would like. My kids actually crowd around and desperately want to help when I do clean the bathrooms, but I don't like them to be around the chemicals let alone the bathroom bacteria. I usually let them each swirl the toilet with the toilet brush so as not to discourage them. But, why shouldn't I capitalize on this enthusiasm. So I looked up recipes for natural cleaners. It's all vinegar, water and borax. I put them in a basket under the sink in the bathroom. So they can now clean the bathroom whenever they want or whenever I ask them.
Let's see the like to help cook too. So I need to teach them to cook. They also always asks to help vacuum too. Mommy's plotting, Kids. All in good time, your motor skills will be sufficient to cook and you will be tall enough to vacuum and I will have that clean orderly house I dream of.
Although, Alex has really matured over the last six months. He listens well and helps out a lot. We are really enjoying our big boy.
...Or should I say Li'l Bunter.
Alex had his first tee ball game on the weekend. It was unexpectedly fun for the whole family. We did not expect to feel so involved with a 4-6 year old tee ball game, but it was very exciting. Alex's team "won" (they don't keep score, but Alex's team all made it home twice and the other team made it home once and Alex's team tagged their first three players out, so they only got to bat once through too.)
Alex was the first to bat and the first to score. He was also the last to bat and the last to score. He bunted both of his balls so they had to run in to get it. Then he speedily ran the bases. He is easily one of the fastest kids on the team. He was so proud of himself--in a sweet, adorable, humble way.
It was fun to cheer on the other kids too. It was fun to see their improvement and see them do well. It was adorable to see the little girl who ran the wrong way to the pitcher's mound instead of first base.
We feel like Texans and community members now! We feel like Americans! We totally get the love of baseball (maybe not nine innings of baseball). We were also pleased by the covered seating in the Texas heat! You won't see that on a soccer field.
After his home run - He asked me to take his picture. He wanted to remember the moment forever.
Proud Sister - She wanted to share this moment with Alex
Then the kids all got to have popsicles.
Alex's Icon - Afterward he showed his Dad and said, "Isn't it beautiful?"
"Indeed, son."
Kristiana's Icon - She was very insistent on coloring Blessed Theotokos all blue and the rest of the image gold.
Divine insight, I guess.
"Gabriel came to you, O Maiden,
and disclosed God's plan
which was from all eternity.
He joyfully offered you his greetings
and cried out:
"Hail, O land without human seed!
Hail, O bush untouched by fire!
Hail, O depth no human eye can fathom!
Hail, O bridge that leads up to Heaven!
Hail, O fleece receiving the heavenly manna!
Hail, O dissolution of the curse!
Hail, O Maiden who returned Adam to grace!
the Lord is with you."
Troparian
"Today is the fountain-head of our salvation
and the revelation of an eternal mystery:
The Son of God, becomes a virgin's Son
and Gabriel announces this grace.
Therefore, let us exclaim with him
to the Mother of God:
"Hail, O Woman full of grace,
the Lord is with you!"
***
Oh, how I have missed Icon writing with the kids. But these Byzantine Icon coloring pages will do in the meantime.
Here's a look back to last year: Icon Writing with Kids: The Annunciation
Next year will be Kristiana's turn to write a year of Festal Icons with Mom. Yay!
Caveat: I am not going to profess I am an expert Christian, expert Mom, or expert educator. But, I always have a lot of thoughts running through my head ready to spill. Here are some thoughts to share.
I thought of these 7 steps to prepare children for the Easter season. Since I have tried and failed at teaching many "lessons" I think these steps should be kept simple and should be executed between now and Easter Sunday. Keep it to 30 minutes of work a day. This is not overly crafty or overly wordy. But, feel free to elaborate on it as you see fit. And if you come up with a good addition to a step, post it in a comment below.
1. Pregnancy Amnesia - Oh Boy, we're there again. It's that time in pregnancy when my brain gets all mushy and forgetful. I am not talking just a little bit mushy and forgetful. I am a lot forgetful. This morning I took the kids to the library and on the way home I had a minor panic attack because I could not remember what I fed Alex and Kristiana for breakfast. I started to wonder if I had actually fed them anything. Not only had I fed them breakfast, as I remembered later, but I had also fed them a mid-morning snack. I must admit that each one of them has missed a meal or two over the past few weeks. It's not because I have not tried, it's because they will tell me they are not hungry when it's a regular feeding time and I am not going to cater to feeding children all day long. Especially, when it's difficult for me to get around. They need to eat at regular times. They did not seem disturbed by it. They just wanted to actually eat dinner as opposed to pushing it around their plates. ;-) (Some nights I swear I am just going to start serving them empty plates for dinner, because they never seem to eat anything.)
2. Huge - As I said at the beginning of this pregnancy, I was hoping that would not be a big complainer toward the end. Well, I am not exactly complaining, but I am not feeling like everything is an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top. I cannot ignore my discomfort. This is the point when it happens for me. I do not feel my body can can stretch any farther. I'm not just huge. I'm HUGE. I have a lot of time left in this pregnancy, so I am only going to get bigger. I find it difficult to get up from wherever I am sitting or laying. I am really trying to encourage the kids to be more independent about their needs and desires. In order to wash the dishes in the sink, I have to turn my belly to the side to reach. Poor Annie, has almost no room left in my lap. She also wants to be picked up and cuddled a lot. She's figured out that something is changing, but she's not ready for it.
3. Feeding Frenzy - Hmm, I might be huge because I am so hungry lately. We're talking regular meals and snacks are obligatory. After dinner, I clean up and the kids play a little. Then we get the kids ready for bed, which involves a lot of chasing around tots. Then I spent an hour reading to the kids and we put them to bed. Then we put them to bed a couple more times ;-) By the time this is all over, two and a half to three hours have passed since dinner, it's late, we're tired and I'm hungry again! So I eat.
4. A Leg to Stand On - I have some awful varicose veins on one of my legs. I have had trouble with this in past pregnancies, but this is the worst they have been. My leg is all black and blue. But, worst of all it hurts, burns and itches. It is really uncomfortable by the time dinner has been cleaned up. I have to lay down to stop it from hurting. I probably need to try support hose :-/ Weirdly enough exercise helps it because the increased heart rate pumps the pooling blood out of the veins. The problem went away after the other pregnancies. I hope it goes away again after this one. But, I know it's not going away until after birth. We are just going to have to bear it. And by we, I mean I really need lay down from time to time, so children and husband are just going to have put up with me laying down.
5. Easter - Sadly, today I was thinking I need to scale back my Easter preparations. I cannot stand on my feet for many hours preparing our Easter basket as I have in the past. I guess it is fitting since I have scaled back our Lenten preparations as well. We are prayful, but the fast does not seem quite as sacrificial as in the past. The fast from coffee creamer is still hitting home. I do not know why coffee creamer has been such a challenge, but it is what we need I suppose…I digress…Thankfully! A friend just invited us to their Easter celebrations. Praise be to God!
6. Projects - Well, I have a lot of projects in mind to complete before Lucy is born. I guess they are just things that need to be done, but impending birth gives a good excuse to get them done. I am going to mention them here in the hopes that it will keep me honest. Finish my Great Lent Icons (I think this one will get done. Fingers crossed); Weed the yard; Yard sprinkler system and new sod; Make a Mary garden in the backyard; reorganize my linen closet; reorganize my pantry; reorganize the baby/girls' clothing.
7. Quirks - My little Kristiana is a funny little girl. Full of her own little quirks. She loves/is thankful for grated cheese, chocolate almond milk, cereal and oranges. Kristiana walked around the kitchen cradling a mandarin orange. She said it was a baby orange. And she talked to it like it was a little baby. She told the orange that it was cute little baby orange. Then she had me peel it and said it was a naked baby orange. Then she told the orange that it was a cute tasty baby orange and then she ate her baby.
Last month, I made Andrew a big burger with all the fixin's. She thought I had made the burger have a face with lips since it had a tomato slice on it. Before my husband made it to the table she grabbed the top of the bun and started flapping the top bun up and down as though it was a mouth talking. She was jabbering away. "Hi, I'm Mr. Burger. I like sauce…" Then my husband sat down, prayed for the blessing and then took a big bite. As he lifted the burger to his mouth Kristiana said in a little, squeaky, puppet like voice, "Noooo, don't eat me." Yeah, try to eat a burger ever again after something like that happens.
Somedays Kristiana changes her clothes five times in one day. Yet, she'll tell me she needs help in the bathroom, because she has trouble with her clothes. I'm not buying it.
Kristiana wore this little number out in the backyard to play one evening. It was 40 F degrees outside. It was chilly. She came in to tell me she was cold. No kidding, Kristiana.
Alex's little quirk - People ask Alex if he is in school. He tells them, "No, he does homeschool." He started telling people he is in first grade (Btw, he's tiny. He looks like he is no more than four years old). He started telling people this because I brought out a first grade work book one day. He has not worked in it all, since he has refused lessons. I never correct him about his "grade." For one, he is usually chattering away and I am usually busy as well. Secondly, why not? It's not entirely inaccurate. He reads first grade books well. He counts to 100. He is working on addition and subtraction (he works on this verbally with me). He could be a beginning of the year first grade level student.
Continued from Retreat Part 1
Fr Daniel Forsythe, from St. Basil the Great, Byzantine Catholic Church in Irving, Texas was our first speaker of the day. Fr. Daniel expounded upon the Schmemman reading briefly and then turned to his favorite Bible passage, The Samaritan Woman, St. Photini, (John 4:1-45).
Jesus and the Samaritan woman discuss her life and worship all alluding to the worship of the Samaritans as well as her personal life. Finally, Christ reveals to her that He is the Messiah and she believes Him and runs to the town to tell everyone. They believe and come to the well to meet the Messiah. St. Photini, the Samaritan woman, is known as the Mother of the Church in Samaria.
Following the meeting with the Samaritan woman, the disciples returned and offered Christ food, but He said that He had food they did not know about. “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor” (Jn 4:34-38).
Fr. Daniel explained, we encounter Jesus as we are, as Photini did. She was not perfect. She was a sinner who had had five husbands and was living with a man who was not her husband. But encountering Christ is life giving. The woman is elevated from being a lowly Samaritan and a woman of ill-repute to becoming the leader of conversion for her people in this life-giving encounter with Christ.
In summary, in the Gospels we never are given Doctrine from Jesus, which is what the Samaritan woman and disciples sought from Christ. What we get from Jesus is Jesus. Jesus is Truth. Jesus is living and moving in our midst, giving us Truth throughout His ministry on Earth.
The Eucharist is not a Doctrine laid out in the Gospels. Jesus gives Himself to us--sacrificing Himself for our sake out of Love. The Eucharist is our gift of ourselves back to Christ. We come to be in communion with God out of our love as He always has offered His communion with us from the beginning of time. From the Greek word eukaristo meaning grateful, with gratitude, grace. It is not saving in Its transformation--we are transformed in our partaking. It is a mystery in which our communion is our saving. We must recognize Christ in each other and come to the table together as brothers and sisters in Christ. This is our communion with God as the Church, not individually. Therefore, it is costly to turn Liturgy into a hyper-spiritual experience in which it is your expectation, need and desire that every moment be engaged in an individual, lofty, spirituality. Communion is not an individual experience. It is the Church coming to the table. Christ does not cease to be present in life's experiences and distractions. We do not need to have an ultra-awareness of Christ's presence to actually be in Christ's presence. A toddler is tugging at your clothing, or babbling away during consecration--Christ does not cease to be present. While lighting a candle in prayer and your mind suddenly questions whether you turned off the oven before leaving the house--this does not negate your prayer. "Christ is in our midst!"
Liturgy is our coming together as Christ's Church. The Holy Spirit has gathered us proving we have a relationship with Christ--whether there is heightened awareness of Christ or not. When we eat our Eucharistic meal, when we come and have a place at the table as son's and daughter's of Christ, that is our saving.
***I am sure I have not done Fr. Daniel's talk or Fr. Schmemman's essay justice, however, I have to add my own reflection as a mother.
When Fr. Daniel spoke the words, "Christ is in our midst," a blessing I have heard many times in the Byzantine Church, I burst into tears. I hoped that no one around me would notice. How could I explain my sudden emotion at that moment. I could have bawled and still I get teary-eyed when I think about it. These words were my undoing.
As a mother of three pre-school aged children, it has been years since I have attended a Liturgy or uttered a prayer uninterrupted. There have been so many times in which I felt hopeless, because I would go to the gathering of the Liturgy and had hardly participated at all as I spent the entire time disciplining or attending to children. In the past, I felt strained emotionally, and in my spirit, that I could not focus on a tangible relationship with God--with Christ. Yet, I persevered, and over time, I felt I came to a place of peace about it all--that is until this day came.
Through all the noise and busy-ness of my days with these beautiful blessings--my children, my work--Christ is in our midst. Through all the Liturgies in which the children were the central focus as opposed to the worship--Christ is in our midst. Through all the days in which my attention was on my duties and on doing good work--Christ is in our midst. Through all my worst and best moments--Christ is in our midst. How many times I had heard this phrase before, and this was the first time I knew it was not only true, but it released me from my own bondage in some strange way. We do not need to hunger or thirst for Christ. He is in our midst now. This gave me comfort and peace (like a warm hug). His grace is there. I had been receiving it all along. I have been in His midst--my every prayer has proved it, my every effort has proved it, and my presence at His table has proved it. And He has blessed me.
A couple of weekends ago we held a mother's retreat for a Catholic moms group of which I am a part. For the second year I was the organizer of the retreat (I hope I am doing a good job). I wanted to share what I learned at the retreat. I will do a few posts in parts containing a summary of the speakers.
The retreat was called, "Come to the Table." We advertised it as a Eucharist centered retreat. We had two speakers in person, a Scott Hahn audio, an hour of Eucharistic Adoration and an opportunity for the Sacrament of Reconciliation; and lots of good food and conversation.
It all began last spring when I read For the Life of the World by Alexander Schmemman. I was so inspired. I wanted to bring this to the retreat. Most of all, what I wanted to bring to life was the part of the Eastern prayer to the Holy Spirit that says, "O Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of Truth, Who are everywhere present and fills all things..." I wanted those attending the retreat to be given an opportunity to be present with the Lord and then remind them that He does not leave us. It is we who leave Him. So by the end of the retreat the ladies would be prepared to be present with the Lord always and take this home to their families. As moms our days are full of children's, household and wifely demands. It's easy to lose God's presence amidst the noise and busy-ness of daily life, or is it?
I offered the first chapter of For the Life of the World as an optional reading. The chapter introduces man, "'Man is what he eats.' With this statement the German materialistic philosopher Feuerbach thought he had put an end to all 'idealistic; speculations about human nature. In fact, however, he was expressing without knowing it, the most religious idea of man" (Pg. 11). To paraphrase further, man, first, is a hungry being; man must eat in order to live; take the world into himself and transform it into his flesh and blood.
Schmemman's mission was to end the fallacies of religiosity. He wanted to end notions that our physical life and spiritual life were separate entities and in order to have a spiritual life one had to leave himself and this world behind. He wanted to end notions that the material was in opposition to the spiritual--that because man eats and consumes to live and has appetites, this is his profane side. However, Christ unites all things in Himself. Everything Christ did as a human becomes of God. "In the Bible the food that man eats, the world of which he must partake in order to live, is given to him by God, and it is given as communion with God…All that exists is God's gift to man and it all exists to make God known to man, to make man's life communion with God. It is divine love made food, made life for man" (Pg. 14).'
"The world is a fallen world because it has fallen away from the awareness that God is all in all" (Pg. 16). Man uses the world for its own sake and not because God made it and not for the love of God. "Man's dependence on the world was intended to be transformed into communion with God." It is only when the divine gifts are received by man in communion with God, received for the sake of God, that we are granted life.
If this is whet your spirit and intellect, I recommend you follow the link above and read the entire chapter. What Schmemman offers so clearly, what Christ Himself offered, is that communion with God is meant to be unending and filled with His love.
It's a practice of our Orthodox faith to have a home church--a place to worship and keep both our souls and bodies engaged with our Holy Lord (http://orthodoxwiki.org/Icon_corner). I have posted pictures of our prayer corner before (http://theclaytonianchronicle.blogspot.com/2012/01/icon-army.html)--It is a work in progress. It is a good place for the family to pray--although I plan to place Icons down low near the kids' book basket so they have a place with Icons at their eye level. But I realized today, that this is not the place where I pray most frequently. I pray here...
…In my kitchen. Ever since we moved into this house a little over a year ago, I placed this travel Icon diptych over our kitchen sink. In the old place, I had something similar over our stove. Both places it was a pass through from the kitchen to the family room where I could both spend my time in the kitchen and watch over my children playing (or fighting). I spend most of my day in our kitchen. I cook meals at the stove and feed the family at the kitchen table; I do dishes at the sink; I draw and teach the kids at our table; and the laundry room is on the other end of the kitchen. And pray here a lot.
In the morning when I wake up, I often grab the diptych and our Bible, set up and pray at the kitchen table. The kids will begin waking one by one as I pray. They can all come sit with me at the table and wake up as I pray and I feel I can easily say to them, "Just one moment, I'm praying." Or if they need their milk more urgently some mornings, I can attend to them quickly since we are already in the kitchen and easily return to morning prayer. Why not include them? This is not their prayer time, it's mine. Then I return my little shrine to it's central location over the kitchen sink. Throughout the day, I will see it and say a little prayer.
It only makes sense that a mother would pray where she spends most of her time. It is good that we have our family prayer place out in the open, on an Eastern wall and where all who enter can immediately view it. That is for everyone else. But this little place in the kitchen is my sanctuary.
(As I have said before, Kristiana likes to move statues around our house and she added the statue of Mary this month.
It's a glow-in-the-dark statue that I received in first grade from my teacher for learning the fourteen stations of the cross)
I also want to emphasize that this picture was not posed.
I threw my prayer rope up on the prayer book before I washed something and thought that maybe I should make a post about my prayer place
All right we have a request for the Split Pea Soup recipe so here it is:
2 large carrots, chopped
1/2 cup onion, finely chopped
1/2 cup celery, chopped
2 T olive oil
32 oz of vegetable broth
4 cups water
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups split peas
Sautee all vegetables in oil until tender. Add broth, water and salt. Bring to a boil and add split peas. Simmer for 1 hour -to 1 1/2 hours until the peas become a porridge.
It's pretty simple.
