Renee Unplugged

This is a quick impromptu blog post. I am writing this as fast as I can--feeling speedy today.

Woohoo! Exactly 90 days until our due date. No, consensus was decided on how to spell the baby's name. I guess we will just wait and see what we feel most comfortable with when she is born. I guess you all will have to wait for the birth announcement.

Last week I moved onto Plan B baby sweater. My coworker did not have the patience to teach me the sweater. She thought it would be best to bring her big corchet hooks and just teach me the basic stitches and let me practice that a while. This all makes sense to me since it took me years to get to a point in knitting where I didn't make quite so many mistakes. Speaking of mistakes, my Plan B baby sweater is coming along great. I finished the hardest part over the weekend. Unfortunately, I did make a pretty big mistake that I can live with. I started on the next step, the smaller front panels. As I read the instructions, I realized that I made the back panel almost two inches too long, and it's not fixable at this point. I read those instructions more than a dozen times, but my pregnancy brain did not register it. The only thing I did know is when I was about 3/4 done with the back panel, I kept saying to Andrew, "This doesn't quite look right." That will show me for watching the two parties' national conventions while knitting. Lesson #1 in knitting - Do not divide your attention when reading the instructions. C'est la vie. It's going to be a long, lean sweater. I hope to return to the crochet sweater once I learn how to crochet better. It's too cute not to make.

I asked my midwife for recommendations on books about birthing methodology. She loaned me a crazy book, which is really spiritual and psychological. She said that I would find some of it odd, but that the right mindset was there and it should help get me in the right frame of mind. She was right. It's really odd, but it makes me feel super maternal and womanly. The first TEN chapters were mostly about pregnancy and birth art. It was all about how she recommends her patients do art to reveal their subconscious emotions and thoughts on birth and pregnancy. Then she uses it to change their feelings into more positive, yet realistic attitudes and encourages them to be more knowledgeable and know what they want, etc. Anyway, I have only just begun the section on actual birth methodology. It's a quick read, because most of it has been frippery that I glossed over. There were also a lot of birth stories and discussion at the beginning that I found somewhat helpful, because I haven't heard a lot of birth stories. I also tried a little bit of my own pregnancy art, because I fancy myself an artist sometimes and I felt a little creative spark inside me. I wasn't sure what would come out of my mind, but as usual all the images I thought were overly positive and idealistic. I do not think that I address pain and suffering in my life enough. I even idealize pain and suffering. I cannot tell if that is good or bad. But, I have realized latley that I am afraid of not being strong enough in birth. I am afraid of wussing out, because I really want to have an ideal, natural birth, without an epidural.

Enough of my ramblings, I am sure you were tired of it two paragraphs ago. When I have progressed farther on my knitting and birth art, I will share it via photographs.