Thursday, February 28, 2008

Don't Be An Obamican and Other Things I Thought about on My Walk

Words I heard on the Laura Ingram Radio Show:

In reference to William F Buckley who died yesterday – may I say, before yesterday I knew nothing about him; after listening to prominent people and his friends talk about him, I am totally sad about his death and my ignorance.

Words on W.F. Buckley
√Član – vigorous spirit or enthusiasm
Brio – enthusiastic vigor

In reference to republicans voting for Barack Obama – who I personally think is the most evil of all candidates in the current presidential election, because all of his positions are in complete opposition on issues most important to me.

(He also reminds me of the grade school student council president candidate who promises ice cream at lunch every day, five more minutes for every recess and a real python for the school mascot. These empty, unrealistic, promises never come to fruition. They are stomped on by administration. He becomes the most non-functional, non-active president the school has ever seen and finally the student council becomes disbanded. Scary. Don't be an Obamican! A republican who votes for Obama.)

Back to the word…
Hegemonic – preponderant influence

You will clearly understand this word:

Recession – Just do not make new debts and keep paying old ones! Keep working hard in your job and take another one if you need it. Mmhm, that's what I think we all need.

We are modern-day Rome. Although, the U.S.A. is no where near as great as Rome. Rome fell. We will fall. We should move back to being an agrarian society. I totally want to be a subsistence farmer. But, I have no idea how to do this. Plus, it would take the purchase of land. That would take money. Money is something I do not have. By the time I have money, I might be too old to start a farm. I wonder if I found an unoccupied piece of land in the middle of no where (with a water source of course) if I could occupy it without paying for it and without anyone noticing. Whatever happened to the Homestead Act? I would totally do it organic and eco-friendly. I should go join the Amish. Too bad they're not Catholic.

I thought about other things on my walk, too many to share. It was a mentally productive walk.

A Little Disheartened

Erg! I am tired of sickness. I have been out of work half this week Andrew's been sick. Alexander's been sick. I have been sick for two and a half months straight. I am not kidding. It all started with a visit to my grandfather. He was apparently sick, which he announced after we already stayed with him a day. I pretty sure he made me sick. It turned into a long standing respiratory infection. I finally went to the doctor two weeks ago. He gave me steroids, which helped a little. They made me crazy. I finally felt like I was getting over it Monday. Then Andrew or maybe it was Alexander, gave me some new undesireable ailment. Blast this fickle cold and flu season!

Further, my uncle Patrick died last weekend. I am quite sad about this. He was closest in age to my Dad. My Dad and he were good friends when they were growing up. Dad is very depressed about this. He is currently in Australia attending his funeral. Uncle Pat had five kids and a loving wife. He had a great sense of humor, even though it was a bit off color. He was very sick in the end. He died of cancer. He will be missed. I feel really bad for my cousins (his children), who are all around my age, because they will really miss their Dad. Please say a prayer for the consolation of his family and the repose of his soul.

May His eternal light shine upon him.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Appreciation of Old Friends

Per our discussion, this Blog is for you.

It was great to talk to you last night. It made me so happy. Thanks for sharing your recipe and all your dreams for the future. You sound like you support your husband the way I support Andrew. "Whatever will make you happy dear, let's do it." Even if that changes everyday. It sure helps that their ideas are very creative and worth trying.

Thanks for being a good friend and giving good advice. I praised God first thing when I woke up this morning. My mother in law told me she prayed for God to give us a good day and I think for the most part it is working. I pray for a double good day for you and my in-laws and Andrew (always for Andrew).

Alexander is another story. Andrew and I just need to have patience. He is quite a handful. I think we are blessed with a "high need," intelligent child. We need to "channel" him positively. His smile makes up for any trouble he gives us.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Alexander totally put me in a bad mood. It really makes me sad. He spent the whole morning throwing fits and crying. We were just not giving him what he wanted (I am not sure what he wanted). Then when we arrived at daycare, he walked in with a new attitude; walked over to one of the care providers, who has been gone two weeks, because she was sick, and he was extremely happy to see her; he gave her a loving hug and was ready for his day. I felt my heart drop a little and felt a little depressed. He spent the whole morning at home being angry with me and then lovingly hugged a caretaker who he has not seen for a while.

(I am trying to not take offense to this. He is 15 months old and his emotions are not entirely rational. Not to mention that none of us are morning people. It takes us all some time to wake up and be ready to interact with other people. )

I went to hang up his bag, then on my way out I peered into his room again gave him a smile and a wave and he returned it. His little face beamed. This warmed my heart again. However, as a mother who would like to be actually raising my child, this was not a good morning. Further, when he has me around and he gets the love and attention he wants from me, he seems better behaved. I am sure that our son is getting the care he needs, but it chills me that he is getting it from someone else. Apparently, motherly love is for sale and I stepped up and bought my son some good, bargain, tender, loving, care. I am angry about this.

Andrew said to me last night, "I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel." He was referring to his PhD program. This morning in the car on the way to work, I heard the echo of his words in my mind. I was attempting to use these words to comfort myself in my sadness about not being there for Alexander. However, it did not completely work. How long can I wait to properly mother Alexander? How much will it effect him if he is going on 4 years old when he finally has me around? He will not technically be my child. He will be a product of us and the people from daycare. It is weeks like these that I just want to quit this job and be a mother. (Of course, it would be a sticky situation to pay the bills.)

Sometimes both Andrew and I want to say, ENOUGH! We're done here! Our goal is to go back to live close to his family, because there, we believe that we have a good and loving support system. Is staying here any longer going to help us reach our goal? Sometimes we think that we have chose wrongly by leaving and going into debt to chase this dream. "Hindsight is 20/20." Although, I am not sure that we could have known what we were missing until we left it. We also had something to prove to ourselves.

I have hope for the future, but I know that the end of the tunnel is at least a year and a half away, more likely longer, two. I do not want to get in the habit of living only for what we may have in the future. I may miss out on today. I am glad that Andrew can now see the light. This is a hopeful sign for all.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Alexander Update

Age: 14 months 3 weeks (Baby/Toddler).
Height: 29 1/2 inches (short).

Head circumference: 19 inches (mighty).

Weight: 21 lbs. (practically perfect in every way).

Temperament: Frequently grouchy, pushy, cuddly, still gets the giggles.

Likes: Still Elmo's World, Veggie Tales Sing-A-Long, 123 Count With Me (DVDs); climbing everything; petting the kitty; trying mommy's food (even wasabi peas); peach juice; milk (all forms); being in arms of parents; going outdoors.

Dislikes: Funny textured food; not getting his own way; diaper changing.

Interesting: Strokes his belly when his shirt is off.

Activities: Playing with kids his own age at daycare. Gets into everything.

He still has a nebulizer treatment everyday to help prevent asthma trouble. He goes to bed at 8:00 pm with no fussing or fight. He wakes up in the middle of the night, and because his parents are too tired to soothe him and put him back in the crib, he comes to bed with his parents.

Future occupation: possibly a musician - showing early signs of rhythm.

Enjoy the update.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Bad Habits

I am glad it is Lent. I am working on my bad habits. But, today I am realizing that I have way too many. I don't know if I am having perfectionist thoughts, which are simply unattainable or if I am being totally realist about my faults.

I have such scattered thoughts. I constantly check websites that I have no business checking while at work. Everyday I check It is a blog with hilarious commentary on bad celebrity fashion. I also check other friends blogs daily. (Zane, I check yours everyday even though you have not written anything since October. I am just hoping one day you might have time to give us another nugget of's hoping you do well on your orals.)

In other bad internet habits, I read the headliner stories on MSN every morning; look up products on and add them to my wishlist; read updates; check my bank accounts; do anything to avoid starting the day. To make some excuse of it, my boss is way behind, so, I keep myself looking busy so I don't get too far ahead of her.

Fortunately, Lent is helping with my overeating habit and my bad, bad sweet tooth. I emphasize helping, because I must admit to not being perfect. All year round I struggle to be good in my eating habits, yet suddenly, because it's Lent and it is for God, I have self-control. This is totally blowing me away. I am seriously asking myself why I could not do this all year round for God. This question is seriously perplexing me. I think I might have to make it all the way through Lent to figure this one out. For the past two days there have been chocolates in the candy dish at the receptionist desk at my work. As I have watched them disappear, with alarming speed, I have turned my nose up at them. "Who are you?! and what have you done with Renee?"

Another extremely bad habit is not making the effort to pray--pray without ceasing--and pray with the family.

This brings me to the prayers on my heart now. Most importantly, please pray for my uncle. He is in a coma right now, battling critical illness. We are unsure of his future. He has a family who needs him. We are hoping for a full recovery. Please also pray for Andrew and I, for our souls to change, for our black stains to come clean, for our vanities to cease.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Meandering Thoughts on a Friday Morning

I think I have insomnia. Alexander slept through the night last night, but I didn't! I really haven't slept the night through since he was born. But, co-sleeping has helped me get enough sleep. In the last two months we have been trying to get Alexander to sleep the in his crib the whole night, on account of that he tries to nurse all night long. You would too if you were sleeping with your most favorite food right next to your mouth. Anyhow, he usually wakes up at some point in the night and sleeps with us for part of the night. Some nights it's more others it's less. But, all this waking up in the night has conditioned me to wake up a lot. Now, I am having trouble going back to sleep once I wake up. I better get used to it if I am going to have a few kids.

Most of the time, I eat right and exercise, so these things should help me to sleep better. But, I drink one cup of coffee every morning and sometimes tea at night. I should probably cut out the caffeine to see if that helps. But, I can't!!! Because, I am awake half the night (of my own accord, not baby related), so I need my morning cup-a-Joe, my little pick-me-up. I need it I tell you. Several times in the last couple of months I have skipped that cup of coffee only to develop a headache in the afternoon, followed by a delicious cup of coffee to cure it. Ooh! it's a vicious cycle!

It might not be the coffee. It might be hormones. In that case, what do I do?

On another topic, Great Fast has begun. Andrew and I are trying to stick as close to traditional Great Fast as possible. That means no meat, no dairy, no sweets for the entirety of Lent, except for Sundays, and strict fast (1 1/2 meals on Monday, Wednesday, Friday). We have done pretty well this week. We could probably do a little better. We have not increased are family prayer time yet, which we really need to do, because it is almost nothing right now (four prayers together, that's it). What is all this fasting really worth if prayer and good works do not increase with it? This time is meant to bring us closer to God and make our souls holy.

We will also be breaking Great Fast's strict rules during Spring Break, when we go to New York, because it will be too difficult to adhere, since we will not be at home in our own kitchen. We will likely try to keep some of the tradition. We will probably eat meat some days during the week. But, we will try to keep to the 1 1/2 meals on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

For some reason, because it is Lent and I psyched myself up for this for a couple of weeks beforehand, I think that it has been a little bit easier mentally to say, no, to the things I cannot have. There have been candies, brownies and meat at my work and I have turned away from them. I saw an ice cream cup in the freezer the other night and I wanted to eat it very bad. I kept thinking about it all evening long. But, somehow I resisted the temptation, which is not at all like me. So, perhaps God is working in my heart. Truly, if you had ever spent a day in my shoes, you would know that resisting that ice cream in my freezer and those brownies at work was a miracle. Perhaps this is the beginning a new and holier Renee. At one point in my life I was sure I was doing what was holy. During this Lenten time may God grant me the grace to come closer to holiness. I'll let you know how it goes.