And so it begins--the barrage of rude comments about my pregnancy. It's not my nature to quip back snippy little comments. I really do not feel like I need to be confrontational. But really, what are these people thinking when they open their mouths and feel free to speak about my procreations.
It started at my first prenatal appointment. The nurse was obviously new and she started asking questions and making rude little comments. She asked me if it were my first pregnancy. No, I have three children at home. "Oh, how old are they?" I tell her and she replied in a sad little voice, "Oh, did you mean to have them this close?"
"Uh, [it's really none of your business and completely inappropriate for you to say such things. What if I was having a hard time about it and broke down crying. Then what would you do? Do you have a counseling degree?] well, I would like a little more space in between, but this is fine too. We are excited." Then she had the nerve to ask me later if I was, "OK." I told her, yes, and it is not my first show. I am doing fine, better than fine. This has been the most comfortable pregnancy yet. Maybe, it would be a difficult situation for her, but all her intrusive questions and concern and overt disagreement with my "situation" really got on my nerves. The next time was not much better and I will be talking to her supervisor next time if she makes one more flip comment.
However, today I received the rudest comment I have received to date. I was at the grocery store, which is where I get the most comments because I run into the most people than anywhere else. Most often, people say "You have your hands full," or ask how old my kids are, because they are all so small and look close in age. I ran into a mom from the Karate studio where Alex took lessons. She smiled, nodded and said, "Hi." Then I stepped passed her and grabbed an onion. She spotted my growing belly and said, "Oh, are you expecting." I smiled and said,
"Yes." She smiled again and said,
"Oh, [concerned sigh, as if she were consoling me] it happens. So that's why you have been hiding out." (Actually, not hiding out. Quit. We cannot afford the bait and switch membership increase.)
Huh? What? Smile nod, move away quickly. "Alex, let's go. Move a little faster."
What "happens?" Marital Union? What did she mean? Did she mean "accidentally" having kids close together in age? "Accidentally" having more kids than two, or three? Why do you assume that this is something that just, uh, happened? As if the preceding act between a man and a woman just happened--miraculously. What am I supposed to say? "No, the conception of this child was not an 'accident.'" Really, it's none of her business how "it" happened. And it's really wrong of her to assume that it just happened and that we did not mean for it to happen. Just because she does not want anymore children does not mean I do not want any more and especially not close in age. Oh the fallacies in her little statement and in her sigh. We are really happy to have another child on the way.
I went home and told my husband and laughed. He laughed too and said I should have replied, "Yes, it does. A few times a week with my husband."
A friend of mine, who has six children, always has cute quips for such comments. I can hear her now, "Yep, it sure does happen. It works every time. We have intercourse during ovulation and the sperm and the egg meet…" At this point, someone starts blushing and she stops.
I do not mind, "You have your hands full." It's not really a comment on anything more than they observe that I am busy with small children, which I am. I do mind the tone some people say it with. Whatever happened to "Unless you can say something nice, do not say anything at all." Whatever happened to, "Congratulations." "We wish you many blessings." Why can our culture not just enjoy the beauty in the creation of new life? Choose life.