Friday, April 20, 2012

Human Frailty

There are lots of characteristics that set humans a part from other life: our ability to love for love's sake; our ability to choose actions against our own nature; and how we live out our frailty.  This post is about frailties in my life right now.

I have said many a times that I do not suffer as many symptoms of pregnancy as other women do.  Now, I find myself stopped dead in my tracks.  It's not life threatening, at least not yet.  But it is excruciating.  The varicose veins in my legs have become unbearably painful in the past couple months.  I have not been able to fully comprehend the pain or how to deal with it until recently.

I have been such a healthy person my whole life, I kept trying to talk myself into not being a wuss about--I have tried to find ways to endure it all without making a big deal of it.  A lot of days, I really do not have a choice.  Our family need me to care for them.  Further, it is my opinion that one should not turn one's own suffering into suffering for others as well.  I know that I have not always succeeded at being that stoic who quietly suffers.  But, I guess sometimes you need to be a little vocal about things in order to honor the gift of your physical temple.

In retrospect, I have suffered from this problem in each pregnancy, but I did not know what it was until now when it became so visible from the outside.  I just dealt with it in the past as though it were just part and parcel of being pregnant.  But, it's not.  It's worse than that now.  Had I known that this was the problem I would have been wearing support hose through all my pregnancies.  Now it looks as though a vein stripping is going to be the path for me--at least that is what has been recommended.

Future pregnancies are not out of the question, but it is not advisable as this problem will reoccur and it will get worse.  I just have bad, weak veins in my legs.  I feel very emotional about this.  Even the thought of all this is a little unbearable as well, which is why I write about it.  I am not looking for sympathy.  I am just hashing through these very stirring thoughts that have haunted me this week.

I was prescribed support hose a month ago and I could not believe the difference.  It was a little hard for me to accept this at first, but since they really helped me get through the day without pain I got over it.  Monday this week, my hose ripped unexpectedly.  I thought I would survive without them since I only have three weeks left in the pregnancy.  But within a couple of days things were unbearably bad again.

I have noticed that the days I do not wear them I cannot get through the day without crying.  I was beside myself with worry and pain.  The hose cost $100 each.  I did not feel we could afford that.  I could not justify the expense in my head for a couple more weeks.  I knew it would take time for them to arrive.  My midwife said I should take them back to the medical store, because they should not have done that.  I did not think so either.

I took them back and they said that the product has a 100% satisfaction guarantee and they would replace them. Wow--great product.  Since, I will likely need these in the future I am definitely a happy customer and will be a repeat customer.  Initially they told me that it would take three weeks to get them because they had to complete their own inventory before they were allowed to order again.  I burst into tears there in the store and asked if there was something more they could do, because the pain was too much.  They said they would look again.  They found one pair of black maternity hose in a higher compression.  And relief was granted again.  What  huge answer to my prayers this was.  I was up early in the morning worrying and offering up emergency prayers for an answer to this problem.  I am always so humbled to receive such signs that Heaven really is hearing and answering my prayers.

So even though humanity is frail in a multitude of ways, we are loved by a merciful Creator.  He blesses us in many ways daily.

(On a side note, the men in my life have been so supportive lately.  I have to be very thankful for this.  Andrew has been helping out in every way he can and given me lots of time to do what I need/want to do.  It's hard to balance a full-time job and a nine months pregnant wife.  Alex has offered to help me with chores this week.  This is a big move for him.  I did not ask him to help at all.  A couple of times he has offered to help me so that I can have time to play with him.  Which I would much rather play with him, because it is fun and relaxing and usually means sitting on the floor, off my feet, and playing legos, or some other relaxing activity, or cuddling.  Tonight, he offered to help clean up the kitchen after dinner so that I could "do nothing" after he went to bed.  So sweet.  These are the moments in motherhood that make a momma proud.)


priest's wife said...

Renee- I'm so sorry you are going through this...and I'm glad the hose gives some relief. Watch your blood pressure and drink your water! I'm praying for you

priest's wife said...

comments are weird- I've tagged you here

if you feel like writing a post from this meme

Hope you are feeling ok!