Friday, November 7, 2008

The Great Catharsis

I know I said no blogs, but I just feel the need to get it all out—I need a little cathartic blogging. We have been having a little bit of suffering around our home. By all rights, nothing major, but a moderate discomfort just the same.

At this very moment, as I write this blog, I think this baby in utero is trying escape. It feels like she is trying to climb out. Fortunately there are no contractions, so she can’t get out. But, I think she’s dropped already! What does that mean? It could mean we could see each other very soon, or more likely it just means I get to have a bowling bowl against my pelvis for the next month. (Yuck, yuck, yuck, you didn’t want to know that.)

And now for the days of our lives…


We began this unpleasant week Sunday evening with Alexander having a fever. I had trouble sleeping that night—I think it was the time change. The next day Alex was completely unwell. Andrew and I shared caring for Alexander that day. I went into work and then came home in the afternoon. Alex went to the doctor late in the afternoon with a high fever. His throat was badly infected. We were hoping it was strep throat or an ear infection since both of those can be treated with antibiotics. It was not. We proceeded to have several more days of fevers, finishing out the week with asthma complications. More on that later.

Paper & Travel

What makes things more complicated is that Andrew had a paper to deliver at a conference this weekend. He had not completed the paper and now was caring for an ill child and stressed out wife. Andrew always leaves these things for the final moments. It’s not that he has not been working on it. He just seems to work better under the pressure of the final hours. I always stress out when he leaves these things to the last minute. He tries to tell me it’s not my problem, but it is. He is my other half and he is under pressure, so I am under pressure. Further, if he had completed the paper earlier, he could have cared for Alexander himself and I would not have to miss so much work.


My work is busy and I feel like I am behind, because I will be on leave soon and I need to tie up loose ends. When I was at work at the beginning to the week I felt stressed, because I had to leave a bunch of times to take care of Alexander. I felt stressed because I knew Alexander was at home feeling crumby. And I was tired and unfocused due to not sleeping well—worrying about work, Alex and Andrew.


To be honest, the result of the presidential election did not surprise me, nor stress me out. I said to Andrew after the Republican convention that I did not think McCain could pull it off, because ever since the results of the primaries way back in February and March, not once has McCain been ahead of Obama in the polls. That indicated to me that voters’ minds were not likely to change. I CAN be realistic despite my idealism. But, I wasn’t going to give up hope until the fat lady sung (her name is Oprah…slam). I am very happy his little girls can have a dog now. Having a pet is one of those childhood rights of passage.

I am disappointed, but things are going to be fine for now and hopefully I can get some awesome government freebies that I will now be “entitled” to under the Obama administration. ;-) I mean, if I plan to have eight or so children some free healthcare would be great. (Ha, ha, I crack myself up. Yeah, I know I am the only one laughing.)

Mental Collapse

Tuesday Alexander was pretty much well, a little tired, but no fevers. Wednesday he woke up with a fever and the sinister asthma cough. Andrew was also leaving that day for his conference, which meant I could not go to work. I went into work for a couple of hours before Andrew left and brought home a little work hoping I could catch up when Alex went down for a nap. Did I mention I was exhausted! I could hardly keep my eyes open. I should have taken a nap myself, but instead I went for the computer to get work done. I quickly found that my plan to do work was dashed. Our computer had a Trojan that I could not remove. (I am currently using an antiquated laptop…it scares me. It’s so slow.) So, I called Andrew and began to blast him for procrastinating and not taking care of things like this, since he knew about it and had plans to reformat the computer weeks ago, and I dumped everything else on him that I had been keeping it all bottled up. He listened to me sob about everything in my tired, delirious, pregnant mental breakdown. He was patient, kind, loving and understanding and promised to fix the things he could. That helped. I feel better now.


I went to the dentist Thursday and the dental hygienist looked at me and said I was not going to make it to the due date. She said the baby had dropped and she was giving it two weeks, or very soon. Of course, I was more than happy to hear this since I am very uncomfortable. Now I am holding out hope that she is right. She has always seemed extremely perceptive to me—like she is clairvoyant. I don’t know why I am so eager to give birth again—immanent pain, months of little sleep. I should just be happy with the nice little life and routine I have now. Maybe it’s things like I went walking today and I could barely tie my shoes and clumsily lost my balance stepping off a curb, fell and skinned my knee like a little kid—it’s little things like that make birth sound appealing. Maybe I am just weary of going to work—although, the work of caring for a newborn is far greater. Maybe I am just eager to meet her and see her.


Alexander’s asthma is currently threat level yellow to orange. It’s more like an orange at night and yellow during the day. He has kept me awake for a couple of nights. He woke up with another fever on Thursday, but the doctor said the day before it was probably due to the asthma since the infection has cleared up. He is not getting enough oxygen at night. I took him to daycare with a fever yesterday morning knowing that it would probably go away as soon as he got moving and cleared his lungs of some phlegm. He did and he had a good day playing with his friends. He was quite exhausted from the breathing troubles. He is having his nebulizer treatments at daycare. This morning he packed up his things early and waited by the door impatiently this morning. I asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes, so I rushed around turning off lights and packing my things. He is tired of being cooped up in the house.


So tired—I am going to bed early. My glands are swollen now too. I hope I don’t get as sick as Alexander.

I assume if you read this far you cared to know. Like I said before this was my great catharsis of the past week (Did I mention I can be a bit of a complainer? It makes me feel better and then I can get on with it). I hope now to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although, I am currently listening to Alexander cough on the baby monitor. I put him in bed an hour ago and he is still coughing. He wanted to go to bed. I hope he can settle down soon. Say a prayer for the little guy and that I don’t have a baby before Andrew comes home (it’s unlikely, but who knows).

P.S. Sorry there are no pictures illustrating this wonderful post this old computer is just to frustrating to wait for it to do fancy stuff like graphics.


Eleri said...

Oh Renee! Of course I'll pray for you.

I was much in need of hearing about your baby girl. Oh she will be here sooo soon. But after Andrew gets back.

With Emily I felt intense pelvic pressure for a whole two months before I delivered. I know you're ready to be done but I'm saying this to reassure you until Andrew gets back :)

When I Grow Up said...


First of all I've been meaning to thank you for your comments. I appreciate all the baby advice I can get! Secondly, I feel like a big dork but it took me forever to figure out how to comment on your blog! I just wanted to say that my husband Mike also is a procrastonator when it comes to school work and I can relate when you say it stresses you out too. :/ It's tough! Also, I'm sorry to hear your little guy is suffering with his asthma. What a terrible condition - I wish they could just cure it already! I will keep you in my prayers, and for the new little one too! Are you excited to have a girl? Again, thanks for your comments, it's nice to (sort of) meet you!

Renee Therese (Towler) Clayton said...

I don't know why my blog is so difficult to post comments. I can't figure it out.

Thanks for the prayers on both accounts. Alexander is doing quite a bit better and I am successfully keeping my feet up and baby inside.

It's nice to meet you too. It's always nice to meet other Byzantines, moms and crafty people (all in one).

I'm just opinionated...take me with a grain of salt, because each mom finds out what works best for her family. Sometimes other moms' advice is really helpful and other times not. Though there is some factual advice I'll throw at ya' too.

Stay in touch. I'll be reading your blog.