Friday, August 20, 2010

Grateful Rambling From Big Momma


It really lowers one’s self-esteem when the “large” size maternity shirts stop fitting, and the baby has not dropped yet.  (35 weeks self-portrait – I’ve tried to wear the same pants in these pictures to give perspective on the growth)

I am one tired Momma.  35 days until D-day.  I cannot decide if that is an eternity away or any minute.  Most of the time I feel truly great for being this far along in pregnancy.  I am just really tired out by the end of the day.  But, I am trying not to complain about the little burdens of life. 

Coming back to reality from “stay-cation,” in which all of the household duties are upon me, including cooking, cleaning, nesting/organizing, teaching, diapers and more has been very tiresome.  My body really feels it.  I have no problem sleeping through the night these days.  I sleep even through the searing third-trimester hip pain.

I have been trying to be more aware of God’s presence (Ignation Style) and my role in relation to God throughout my day.  I have been trying to not complain about how tired or sore I have felt.  Because honestly, I really adore what I do and am grateful for it all.  I am only having trouble finding time and energy for it all.  Further, complaining does not take away my exhaustion.  Anyhow, I have tried really hard to not appear or act burdened.  However, the minute I am around my husband I unload my burdens upon him even when I have spent the previous twenty minutes counting my blessings and psyching myself to share this with him.  I have done much better with the children though.  I have been trying to not lose my temper and discipline them with gentleness.  Alas, I am flawed.  I can only ask for forgiveness.

The home organization project is slowly coming together little by little.  It still has a ways to go.  It may not all happen before baby Annie arrives.  I hope that it does though.  I would like to have a yard sale before she is born.

100_2725 Home schooling Alex has been good and fun.  We go through the lessons and for the most part he seems to be learning.  A couple of things that concern me.  He is a bit of a perfectionist and if he cannot do it perfectly, then he does not want to perform and he gives me a frown or a few tears and insists that I do it for him.  So I have been working on confidence building exercises.  As in he must try to perform the exercise in order to earn a treat.  He had a meltdown over drawing a face one day, so the next day he had to practice drawing smiley faces on his easel in order to earn his treat.  I held his hand so he could feel what it was like to draw the faces, then he had to do it on his own.  It went okay.  He has a bad habit of saying things are too hard and insisting on his parents do it even when we know he can do it.  The other thing that concerns me is that the curriculum exercises do not demand results.  I once read that preschool is about the process not the results.  However, I see kids going off to kindergarten knowing the alphabet and counting very well, even reading.  Obviously, somewhere along the way results must occur, so where does that leave us?

little kidder Kristiana has been hilarious/annoying lately.  Every time we tell her to stop doing something she says, “Why?”  It is a habit she has picked up from Alex.  We then explain to her why.  At her age, I am not sure she understands what she is saying or our explanations, but she seems to grasp a lot.  Also lately, we will tell her we are going to do something or go somewhere and she will say, “Okay!”  We hear “Why? and “Okay!” all day long around here.  It’s pretty funny, because she has almost comic timing.

I have enjoyed reconnecting with folks here at home.  Tonight began the “Women of Grace” book study with my mom’s group.  I am really excited about it.  I foresee future posts about what I learn.

It’s been an eventful month for us.  We have driven back across the nation with cat and kids.  We have had to buy new tires, a new car battery, a new bed for Kristiana, a new laptop computer for my husband’s job.  These were pretty much sudden expenditures.  We knew they were coming, but not exactly when.  With a little financial planning we have survived these sudden expenditures.  Next up we’re having a baby!  Now we have to start saving to replenish the rainy-day (rainy-month) fund.

And the good news is that my husband’s job is stable for at least another year.  We have won the lottery again and we can breath easy for a little while longer.  I really cannot express both the joy and the tearful thanksgiving in my heart over this.  We have had faith that God will provide, but we did not anticipate the great abundance.  Our anxiety can rest a while.  Thank you for your prayers.  Glory be to God.  We pray that we can serve Him well.


Kayleen said...

First of all - I totally get what you're saying about wanting to not complain, especially when it ends up falling on the husbands to listen to the many little complaints. I go through times when I feel horribly guilty but can't stop. Good for you for recognizing it and trying to control it. You are doing a great job in life and I know God is smiling down on you!

I love that picture of Kristiana! Are you so excited for her to be a big sis?

Finally, you said "However, I see kids going off to kindergarten knowing the alphabet and counting very well, even reading."

Coming from my teaching experience in a private Catholic school I honestly didn't see this very often. By the END of kindergarten it would be impressive for them to be readers. Even then, they aren't true readers until much later. Homeschooling makes a difference, sure, but these kids came from great families and tiny classroom sizes (I am talking 5-10 kids) So anyway, I just thought I'd share my perspective on that. It's great to have high expectations for your Alex, but don't fret if he isn't reading any time soon. ALL my first graders were fantastic readers by the end of the year...and around 7 years old.

Michelle M. said...

You look fantastic! I had my last two babies in August, so I feel your pain. I was retaining so much water by the time I had the babies that I literally lost 5-10 just in water weight.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Anne said...

"Love conquers all" becomes "Love compensates all" in parenthood.. at least, that's the "philosophy" I'm claiming in our parenting essays for adoption :S No parent is perfect, but if you truly love your kids and try hard to be good to them, it all comes out in the wash, as it were :)

You're an amazing Momma and you have amazing kids. Bebe Annie will be pretty cute, too :)