7 Quick Takes – Deliverance

1. I can choose…how I feel and react to things.  Even if sometimes I do not choose to do the right action at first, I get to choose my subsequent actions.  In a weary state, I decided my feelings were hurt.  I decided something important to me had been forsaken.  I knew that my decision to be sad was wrong, but I could not help crying.  I was tired and feeling raw.  So I cried and complained.  I centered on myself; I focused on my pain.  I talked to a friend about it and felt a little better to not be burying it inside anymore.  I tried to distract myself with T.V.  Finally, my husband came in the room and asked me what was wrong.  Then he cracked a couple of laugh inducing jokes and I felt relaxed enough to drag myself to bed for a little reading and spiritual guidance.  Let me be clear, I knew how tired, irrational and hormonal I was.  I knew my reaction to this situation was foolish and wrong from the beginning.  I hoped I would feel better in the morning.  I did not.  It took some fussing around in bed and then I recognized my choice.  As a dear friend put it, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (James 4:10), the grace I had pleaded for arrived.  I jumped to ready myself for the day and hopped to it with joy.  I thank the Lord for delivering me from my selfishness.

2. I cannot choose…the raging end of pregnancy hormones; the sleeplessness brought on by hormones; the exhaustion brought on from supporting another human life, carrying around extra weight and not sleeping;  the fact that my kids are waking up a lot more in the night these days and waking up an hour earlier in the morning.  Alex was anxious and sleepless right before Kristiana was born too.  I expect things will settle back down about a month after birth.  Tylenol PM will be my friend tonight.

3. Help from whom I need it most… My husband has given me a lot of help lately in terms of taking care of the kids when I feel really tired and giving me support when I feel emotional and irrational.  I love him.  Sometimes, I think to myself, how can he be so inconsiderate because of x-y-z.  I quickly correct myself.  He is constantly helpful, never complains and we are most of the time in sync with each other.  But most importantly, he is the one from whom I need support most.

4. Deliverance…On Thursday, I intended to go to confession before daily Mass. It was at a church I do not normally  attend.  It had been far too long since I had been to confession and it was truly time. Unfortunately, delays kept me and I only arrived in time for Mass. I was quite upset. I was mostly upset because I had missed it again.  This WAS my moment.  My heart ached all during Mass for a multitude of reasons.  I began to surrender it all, and finally the grace came to me.  It occurred to me that I could ask the priest after Mass to hear my confession.  I am normally so introverted about these things and would tell myself that there would be another opportunity at a designated reconciliation time.  Nevertheless, the grace had come to me and peace was delivered.

5. When home school gets heavy…I bought a new cabinet to keep all of Alex’s puzzles and home school supplies.  Alex is a puzzle fiend.  They are taking up half my new cabinet.  I ran off to Wal-mart to buy this cabinet in the heat of instant gratification.  Sixty-nine pounds was clearly printed on the box.  I knew this was too much to lift even when not pregnant.  I was determined to take this home then.  So I figured if I could lean it over and lever it into the cart, I could probably get it into my van.  I managed to get it into the shopping cart.  It was too heavy.  I had a few other things to pick up at the store, so I continued shopping with a ridiculously over-sized box in the cart.  As I reached the back of the store, I saw two Mormon missionaries and thought, I should ask those young men to put this in my van for me.  But, I hadn’t finished shopping.  I promised Alex I would bring home humus for his lunch and I hadn’t found it yet.  So I passed by the young men.  When I arrived at my car, I looked around the parking lot for aid.  There were only feeble elderly men around.  So I again figured I could lever it into my car.  Not quite, but I managed to get it in and triumphantly drove home.  My husband asked me how I got it into the car…it was my determination to be gratified.

6. Catholic Gadget…I was referred to this tool called Catholic Gadget (http://www.catholicgadget.com/).  It creates a toolbar at the top of your browser.  The tools are full of links to Catholic resources for families.  I have used it a lot in the past couple of weeks and been pleasantly surprised at each new resource I find.

7. Oh baby… No official progress.  I am just trying to be patient.  I am just trying to not express discomfort.  I think perhaps we will see the due date.  But we were just treated to a lovely, fun and relaxing baby shower.  It is so nice to celebrate life.  I am humbled and grateful.