Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Sainthood By Two Year Old

My husband and I wanted to be saints, we just didn't know it would be sainthood via two year old.  We have dealt with our share of the terrible two's in the last 6 years.  For our family, we are convinced the terrible two's begin at 18 months old and lifts it's grips on our children around three and a half.  Therefore, we have had relentless time with two year olds since 2008.  Let me describe a little bit about what it's like in my home right now.  

I am not nearly as cunning, clever and curious as my two year old.  Annie keeps me running after her all day.  When I do not run after her, I pay for it.  The other day, I put on a movie for the children and slinked away to have a post-workout shower.  A few minutes after I had begun my shower, I heard a crash and tiny clinks and clangs.  "Oh for Pete's sake, what now."  I peered out from behind the shower curtain.  My two year old was sitting on my vanity and she had dumped all of my hair clips and hair ties out of it's canister onto the floor.  "Oh well, I will rinse the soap off me before I get to that."

I step out of the shower and tie on my robe.  I begin to pick up clips.  I get most of the clips picked up and I turn my back on the two year old, who is still sitting on the vanity, to pick up the clips that are the farthest away on the floor.  When I turn around she has dumped about 50 flossers onto the floor and into the dog water bowl.  So I pick up the water bowl and take it to the kitchen to dump out the water and throw away flossers.  Why did I leave the two year old behind?!  Why in the world would I think she could be left alone.  I guess I was so furious about the flossers, I forgot to bring her along.  I just wanted to get away from her.  When I returned to the bathroom, she had dumped out a big tub of dog food all over the bathroom floor.  I left again and called; nay, yelled for Alex and Kristiana to come into the bathroom.  I pause their movie.  I announce that we are all a family and we are going to clean up Annie's mess as a family.  So we did.  After the big clean up, Annie scuttled away.  

A few minutes later I emerged now fully dressed into the living room.  I was about to get to other household work, when I discovered Annie was playing in the playroom with her play kitchen and dishes.  She was filling play tea cups with toothpaste.  I seriously start questioning if I am that slow that I cannot anticipate her moves.  It is so logical that she would take off with the toothpaste after playing in the bathroom.  I swear I was watching this child.  How could so much go wrong when she is around?  

Now, that she has made a minty mess with the toothpaste, cue nasty poop in underwear.  I clean that up and go to the pantry to get a grocery sack to discard wipes.  The two year old, sneakily follows behind and dashes into the pantry in between legs and behind my back.  She handily scales the pantry shelves and as she stands hanging there talking about,"Can-nee" (candy), she pees onto everything below.  Thanks, Miss Annie.  

I think I've done all my penance for that day and everyday.  God, be merciful to me, a sinner.


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