The Test Drive - Broom, Broom - Krrd der brr, Ching

I test drove my new stroller last night. It was great. It is a wonderful all-terrain stroller. There are practically no sidewalks here in Texas and lots of rough terrian. It moved over the field next to our apartment very easily. It was much better than the Graco travel stroller I have. Although, the Graco is extremely easy to open and close and it's bulky. As far as a piece of exercise equipment, the new stroller going to really aid exercise. It will work great for post-partum exercise.

I sat and played with all it's features last night. I broke sweat. It's not very user friendly as far as adjustments go. Although, having never used other jogging strollers before, I don't know if they have as many features, or are easy to adjust. I know that this stroller is an all-in-one. It has the all the features of a jogging and conventional stroller, plus, it turns into a double stroller. You can't beat having the option of having two seats or one. I will not always have Alexander with me when I go out to exercise, so it will be nice to just have a single.

All of my friends with two kids (all two of them) have gone through five or more strollers before they settled on one. Even my friends with one kid have gone through multiple strollers. They went through the single (when they had one kid), the umbrella for travel, the double conventional, the double umbrella, the single jogging, the double jogging, combinations of all depending on their need at that moment. My new stroller folds up small enough that hopefully it will eliminate the use of all other strollers.

Andrew does not like the construction materials. He says they look cheap. I do not totally disagree with him. I read multiple reviews online about fabric fraying in the first month of use and the company not replacing it--"normal wear and tear" they said. That's not good, and I am going to keep an eye on that. It says in the warranty to not contact the manufacturer, but retailer for this kind of thing and the reviewer seems to have contacted the manufacturer and then let the warranty run out.

A couple of things I like about the stroller is that you can adjust the handle depending on your height--that is one of the few easy adjusments. I like that you can lay the seat all the way down for a sleeping babe, when you are out and about long hours. Although, that is not an easy adjustment and probably will wake a sleep babe--not cool.

More Cons: It has a bunch of add-ons you can buy for extra, increasing the cost and in my opinion they should be included. For example, it does not have a cup holder, but you can buy one with annoying pouch for $50. I have to shell out $80 more for the doubles seat (I don't mind this one too much). You cannot attach your carseat to it unless you buy the $30 adapter kit and it looks like more annoying adjustable parts.

I will probably write a review for this stroller on amazon.com, but I am going to write it after our trip to New Orleans in late July--after I have had time to use it and abuse it--to give it a fair review.

Momnesia and the BIG Idea

I suppose this is not necessarily a mom problem, but I always come up with these brilliant ideas as I am drifting off to sleep and I always think that I must write them down in the morning. Then I fall asleep and can never remember what it was in the morning. I had one of those moments last night. I remember, I was praying, then I moved onto what I will do the next day, and then it came to me. It was so good I almost lept out of bed to go write it down, but Andrew still had some guests over, so I did not want to go storming through the apartment in my pyjamas looking for a pen and paper. As usual, I repeated it over and over in my head and said to myself that I must remember this for tomorrow.

As I sat down at my computer this morning, I sat perplexed and miffed. I simply could not remember what it was. Was it about religion, parenting, fertility, nutrition, health and fitness. Surely, it was more important than my usual mental haunts. It's just not there and I am pretty sure it was going to change my life and perhaps yours too. I will have to put a pen and paper beside my bed--maybe it will come back to me tonight.

I am telling you, one of these days I am going to come up with an idea that is going to deeply impact the world. It's in me somewhere and one day it will escape. I am not going to write some lousy best-seller, that is popular amongst the masses for one insignificant breath in time. No, it will be bigger than that. It will be bigger than a tsunami of destruction. But like a tsunami it will rush over the earth forever changing it and then the cosmos. It will touch the heavens. It will be a forever pock mark in time. The moment that Renee realized that idea. It will be why God created me.

(Did I hear a guffaw? Are you unsheathing your mighty B.S. smoting sword to burst my delusional bubble? Stop. Don't! It's only a dream from when I drifted off to sleep last night. The night before I dreamt all my teeth were loose and falling out...I get that one a lot.)

Enough day-dreaming. I am sorry I could not share my last Big Idea with you.

Baby Things

I have been day-dreaming about our new little baby. I have really been wanting to see my pregnant belly and wear maternity clothes too. I must have dreamed pretty well, because last night while I slept my back and belly muscles ached pretty bad. When I woke up this morning, I swear there is clear and visible pregnant belly. My body must have done a lot of stretching and growing last night. They say that the second time around you show a little sooner.

I have been dreaming for a girl, just because we already have a boy. I have two girl names picked. Of course, I am delighted for another child regardless of the gender. A lot of people have felt strongly that this time we will have a girl. Sometimes these things happen, in which people have a feeling and it is right. Quite a few people also told us that they had a dream that I was pregnant, before we announced it. Perhaps there is something special about this child. Our new child has certainly evoked people to feel his/her presence.

I received jogging stroller yesterday and put it together last night. I have yet to test drive it and that will tell me really how good it's going to be. However, every pro and con I read in reviews about the stroller was immediately obvious as I put it together last night. Mainly, it appears to be difficult to make adjustments. That may just take some getting used to. But, it is compact. I will have to let you all know how the test drive goes.

Update - Sarah's Visit

The coveted stroller is currently being shipped to me courtesy of my sister, Sarah. She is in town for a visit and she wanted to take Alexander for a walk this morning. She asked me if I had a jogging stroller and I said, no. She said, I thought you had one. Then she asked if there is one I liked. And I said, as a matter of fact, check out my blog (as I hopped around like little kid in the excitement over a toy I liked). But, I told her that I wouldn't get it, because it was too expensive. She said that she wanted to get me a baby gift for the new baby. And voila! the stroller is being sent to me. Woot! THANK YOU SISTER SARAH. Time to do some off roading.

Alexander was adorable this morning. We bought peanut m&ms for him so that my sister could be cool Auntie Sarah who gives him candy. She woke up and gave him some m&ms while I was in the shower this morning. He came running into the bathroom and did a little happy dance and gave the biggest smile I have ever seen, then ran back out. He didn't know she was going to be here. It was pretty funny. I have never seen him so happy before. He was smiling and running around all morning. I am sure he and my sister are best buds by now.

Tomorrow, Sarah and I are going to run a 5K together. Here's hoping I can run it, since I have been skipping the daily jog lately. Hopefully we will have a fun filled day and I will not get too tired.

Coveted Stroller

I do not normally covet. I was a very humble child. I did not want anything material. Okay, sometimes I wished I were prettier, thinner, etc. Back to coveting--I really covet this stroller (Phil&Teds Sport Buggy). I am so serious about this stroller, I keep thinking I want to put it on my credit card and pay it off later. But, considering that we already have credit card debt that we are busily trying to pay off, that would be wrong. Ergh, I want it to encourage myself to get out and get exercise on the weekends and during my impending maternity leave. I love that it can be a double or a single jogging stroller, and it is super light and compact. It is horribly expensive. I want it and I want it now! Alas, if I ever get it, I am going to feel guilty, because I coveted it and because it's so expensive. Will I condemn my soul if get this stroller?

Thoughts From Near and Far

I have spent the last three weeks in a baby-making, induced haze. Sleep, eat, sleep, eat, cry, vomit. I am finding it very difficult to get the normal tasks done. Yesterday, I found myself exiting onto the interstate in the complete opposite direction I was supposed to be going. I was distracted by a radio commercial--a man was talking about insurance while his wife was in labor. Several minutes later I was still thinking about it--well, really I was thinking about us having our baby--and the next thing I knew I was on the ramp to the interstate. It was a very confusing morning for me.

Alexander is talking more and understanding more. But, he does not talk regularly. There are several things he says over and over and we still haven't figured out what he is saying, but whatever it is he really means it. We loaded a couple videos of adorableness onto YouTube for friends and family. Yesterday, he was moved to the toddler room at daycare. I think, because so many of those kids are talking and talk well, that he will start talking more, just so he can play with them. He is definitely becoming a big boy and just in time.

Also yesterday, I asked Alexander where his toothbrush was (btw, it's lost) and he first started pointing toward our bedroom and then he took me into our bedroom, into the bathroom and point up at the sink where we normally keep it. At least he knows where it ought to be. I think potty training will not be difficult with him. He likes to learn new things and he is very helpful. I just think when it comes time, he will like the new task.

I suppose I should not banter away at such trivial things, when such horrible events are going on in the world right. The whole world is rapidly changing before our very eyes. I should mention the massive natural disasters in both China and Myanmar. When the tornado hit Myanmar, Andrew asked me if I had heard about and I said yes and proceded to point out that the aftermath was probably worse because they all live in weak, paper-like structures. They were not prepared for a tornado. He turned to me and called me heartless. He did not like that I did not first show sympathy for them. However, in the past week, I have to say I have felt much sympathy for them. It is a crime against humanity that the people should not receive the aid that is sitting right at their border. It is just plain sad. Feelings of sadness, distress and mourning repeat for those in China.

For now, I will leave it at this, "O my sweet Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell and lead all souls to Heaven." If we cannot relieve the suffering, at least we can pray that it might lead us to Heaven. Amen.

This Week's Update - Big News for Those Who Haven't Heard

I am a little busy due to the upcoming board meeting for the executives at my business. I have to make sure all the all the grunt work gets done. I was ahead of the game, but I am not very interested in it, so I have slowed on my progress. I keep thinking that I need to do a stellar job, because well it's the right thing to do. So, here I am taking a little break from it all. For the time being, I am not doing my job.

I have found all things I normally do to be a little more cumbersome lately, because I am amidst the haze of pregnancy (7 1/2 weeks along now). I wanted to keep it a secret, but we had to tell our closest friends and family and it has just exploded from there. I told my boss when we were in a meeting because I kept feeling like I was going to vomit on her. Back to the haze. For almost a week I have had constant nausea, which I did not have when I was pregnant with Alexander. I have not "lost my lunch" yet. It's just been a really annoying constant sickness and gagging. Today, I finally had some relief; it's been short and sporadic, but relief.

I called my mom last week in desperation and gave her a list of things I needed from the local whole food store that I cannot get here. I requested natural, fresh ground peanut butter and ginger candy. Thankfully, my mom put together my care package quickly and sent it priority. I received it Monday. She added some ginger tea and "pregnancy" tea. Surprisingly, what has helped the most is the peanut butter and "pregnancy" tea. The ginger candy and ginger tea were both a bust.

I have also been exhausted and my thoughts have been cloudy. I have been falling asleep very early lately--not too long after Alexander's bedtime. I got home last night and realized the dishes had not been done since Sunday. The kitchen was a disappointing disaster. Fortunately, this will not last long. Exhaustion and nausea should end after the first trimester, which is only six more weeks.

I can't believe we are going to have another child. We definitely feel blessed. We are VERY excited for Alexander to have a sibling. However, we cannot help but worry about finances. We are beginning to drowned with the cost of living skyrocketing. I guess we will just be taking out more student loans. Maybe Andrew can teach on a Indian Reservation and have those loans forgiven.

Is the Pope Catholic?

I remember when Pope Benedict XVI was elected, a mere three years ago, there was some outrage from South America. They were disappointed that a South American cardinal had not been chosen, considering the numbers of Roman Catholics on that continent. They wanted a Pope who would represent the beliefs of the South Americans. At this point, I questioned anyone who would listen, “Is the Pope Catholic?”

How could people be outraged at the selection of a person who is known for upholding the tenets of our faith? Once elected, does a Pope have a nationality? No, the Pope stands for the Church. Why do people think that a Pope should change Church beliefs just because a mob of sinners think it should be so?

Matt Lauer cited several statistics, 2/3 of American Catholics do not prescribe to the Church’s teaching on divorce; 3/4 of American Catholics do not agree with the Church’s teachings on birth control; other statistics that were startling, which I did not catch the numbers, views on abortion, homosexuality, ordained women. Matt Lauer then asked, “How can Pope Benedict XVI address these issues with out being labeled a finger wagger? How can he get through to Americans without scaring them away?”

I do not think that Pope Benedict will, nor should he, “dumb-it-down” to be more sympathetic to Americans. To be honest, people like authority. People like to serve a noble cause. People want to hear truth, even if it hurts, even if it angers, because in the end, I think people want better themselves. People want to be good even when they do bad things. We are inherently flawed. It is a continuous journey to perfect ourselves.

The Pope IS Catholic, and the Pope wants us to be Catholic too. I ask you “Are YOU Catholic?” Pray. Confess. Act.

This Week - A Complete Analysis

To give you some background, Andrew and I have been enjoying the traditions of our faith this Easter season. It makes me so happy that Easter celebrations last as long as Great Fast. After the purging of sin during Great Fast, the celebrations of Easter seem more pure and holy than any other celebration. By Easter Monday, after having blessed celebrations Sunday, Andrew and I were more serious about our faith than we were even during Lent. I guess the procession of Holy Week and Easter Liturgy really awakened our sleeping souls.

By serious, I mean we decided that we were going to start living the faith more in our home. It was time to put our money where our mouth is. We decided we would go into a little debt (pay it off in the next couple of months) for the sake of our faith. We went to the internet and bought a Resurrection icon, so that we could more properly celebrate the season. We want to obtain an icon for every season, since the Roman Catholic church we attend is pretty barren. We also bought an censer and some incense, since this is also one of the things we have been missing. Finally, we bought 33 knot prayer ropes to help us pray without ceasing. We also ordered some icons, a set of theotokos and pantokrator, for our God-daughter, because as Andrew said, he wanted us to be seriously involved God-parents.

We have now received all the items we ordered. Last Friday, we received the icons and prayer ropes. The prayer rope has definitely changed the level of prayer in my life. It is always there on my wrist to remind me. Whenever I see it I say the Jesus Prayer as many times as I can at that moment, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." When I put Alexander to bed, I nurse him and lay with him a bit and say 100 of the Jesus Prayer. My goal is at least 300 a day.


When we went to New York city, our friend, Zane, took us to a beautiful, Eastern Christian style, Roman Catholic church. The Christos Pantokrator icon, of Jesus, in the apse, behind the altar, was incredibly soul penetrating. I keep thinking about the eyes. It's whole composition really made me think about who Jesus is. Now when I say the Jesus Prayer, I reflect on that icon. This as in depth as I can go at the moment, because I cannot tell you what is in my soul.

We received our censer yesterday and hopefully we can begin prayer with it tonight. It is a longstanding tradition to direct every sense we have toward heaven, toward God. It has been a very exciting and holy Easter season for us. We hope to learn more about the traditions of the Eastern Church over the next year.

God Bless. (The icon to the side is the one from the church and below is altar. Click on altar images.)

Alexander's Easter

1. Easter Dinner
2. Elizabeth (our God daughter) and Alexander in the background
3 - 6. Alexander and Andrew eating candy out of Alexander's Easter basket.
7. Playtime

EASTER

Please check out my friend's last two blogs about Easter. This is everything I want to say only better. Just click on the word Easter above. Tomorrow I will share some kiddie Easter pictures.

Battlestar Gallactica Junkies!

Woohoo! Season 3 of Battlestar Gallactica came in the mail today. It made my day, my week and possibly my month. It is just in time for the long weekend. I have not seen this season. I was left hanging early last fall at the dismal end of 2.5.

My boss came into my office and asked why I am grinning from ear to ear. When I told her, she began to chuckle and basically called me a big dork. Yay for Sci-Fi dorks!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

I would like to blog a while about my half fabulous, half flu infested trip to New York City, but I cannot just yet. I have to play a couple days of catch up at work, tend to household things, recover from aforementioned flu, and at some point find time to mind my religious duties of Holy Week.

So far, I have begun catching up at work and feeling better from the flu. However, I think I might need to take a break to build an ark, because Waco will surely flood in an hour or two and I will need to float home.

I could have used a pair of rain boots today considering the water is up to my shins. Our luggage from New York is "lost" and in my bag is a pair of boots pilfered from my friend's apartment, said to be abandoned. Hopefully I can enjoyed them before I drown. (Thanks for abandoning boots, Miss Joelle; I will appreciate them.)

Snow Day!

Here is a genuine picture of Waco, Texas from this morning (courtesy of Waco-Tribune Herald).

I let out a most annoyed and annoying groan this morning as I opened our front door to leave the apartment. I have become too accustomed to the warmth of Texas weather. After taking a moment to examine the car and I realized that my car was covered in three inches of snow, I flew back in the house and yelled to Andrew in a sufficiently crabby, nagging voice, "Where is the snow brushy, scrapey thing!" He was not pleased; I was not pleased! I found it and did the scraping, brushing thing. The roads were not too slick and I arrived at work only four minutes late.

Alexander was just precious with the snow. While I was opening the car door, he had to escape my grasp to go touch the snow. Then he came running back over to me to wipe it off his hand. He did not like the cold, messy feeling at first. Then when we arrived at "Day-school," I made a little snow ball with the remaining snow from the car. I put it in his hand and he crushed it. Then he looked up at me with twinkling, happy eyes. These are the moments that make it all worth it. If you do not have kids, you just don't know what that little innocent face can do to you. It really put things in perspective.

I am glad that his preciousness and innocence makes up for it, because I have to say, this weather really got to us. We turned on the heater and it must have dried us out, because we were all coughing, especially Alexander. He coughed all night and nursed all night long. By 5:00 a.m. I was tired, warn out and sore and I could not do it anymore. Andrew tried to help settle him, but he kept on crying. We are all very tired today. We still have much to do to prepare for our trip to New York and Andrew booked us a room in Dallas for tonight, which means driving late tonight. I'm sleepy already. It's going to be a long day, today and tomorrow. Pray for us to be patient.

Go Away T.V. You're Not Welcome Here Anymore - "I am So Over You"

I think I was a better writer in 2007. I went back to look at some of my blogs, though there are some mistakes, I found some of them quite profound and eloquent. I used interesting phrases and big words. I feel stupid now. Who was that writing on my blog? It is sad that I am not more eloquent now.

I must have been reading better books then. All I have been reading for the past three months are parenting books. Parenting books are written pretty simply (third grade level). I do not know if I am getting anything new or non-intuitive from these books. I am going to finish the three books that I have now (I have a thing about finishing books, even when I don't want to--long story) and then I do not think I will read any more parenting books. My sister gave me one called Parenting With Love and Logic. I will not be satisfied until I know what this book has to say.

Parenting is a lot of trial and error (and prayer), because you are dealing with young, inexperienced humans. A lot of parenting has to do with confidence in how you discipline (=to teach) and changing it if it does not get through to your child. Of course, I am no grand master at this parenting thing as I have fumbled through in the dark. (Yeah baby! I rock! Go Moms! You rock!) But, Alexander is still alive and well. I think that I have done an okay job with him.

I think I need more practice. Better get working on children # 2 through 8. I should read better books too. Step One: Cancel the cable. Andrew, I don't know why you care so much if I cancel it. You hardly ever watch T.V. I bet you thought this blog was going to be all about T.V.

Interesting

www.Godtube.com

Sexy Soccer Mom Hair

The Nun in Me

Well, I cut my hair short last night—real short. It’s a bob. I was attempting a Katie Holmes look, because while I know I do not really look like her we do share a lot of similar features: dark hair, big eyes, big eye lashes, long jaw line, goofy grins. I went to Great Clips, because I am cheap. It did not turn out to be such a cheap hair cut and she did not really do what I asked. I took in a picture of Katie Holmes from a hair styling website and right below it said to ask the hair stylist for “a wedgey bob with layers for volume.” So that’s what I asked for and she did her own thing anyway. One, it really is not wedgey at all. It’s just short and kind of boyish. She cut icky bangs in front. She said she was going ot frame my face. Why do stylists always want to do that to me? Stop cutting my hair short in front! I did not even know she was doing it until it was done. She tried to tell me that the cut Katie Holmes had was a straight cut bob. (She had given me an unattractive bowl cut.) I was really polite and said, “I think I really want it shorter in back," (to complete the wedgey bob look). It came out shorter than I intended, but I can work with it. After some styling this morning it is more Katie Holmes-esque. It will grow out pretty cute. It’s pretty cute today anyway. I got the name of a stylist who guarantees a wedgey bob—next time! I was just hoping to look really chic and sexy for our trip to the Big Apple next week. I think I look like an adorable, soccer mom. C’est la vie. Est ce ce que vous obtenez quand vous êtes bon marché. (That is what you get when you are cheap. Although, Bon Marche literally translates as "good buy" and this was not a good buy.) I will try to provide a picture for those who are curious.

The blog helps me get annoying thoughts out of my mind—like an obsession to get a chic, wedgey bob. I should have blogged about it, then maybe I would have not gone to Great Clips...Na, just kidding my cheapness will not go away. Even when I was a little kid I was cheap. I remember doing all sorts of weird cheap things. It is not that I am afraid to spend money. I will spend with glee. I just have to feel like I am not spending too much while I do it. Or, I have to know that I “need” it and not “want” it.

I think what created “Cheap Renee” was my second grade year in school. I went to a poor Catholic school and my grandmother moved in with our family. The Catholic school was run by nuns and they had all grown up in the Great Depression Era. The principal, Sister Katherine Mary, was over six foot tall. She grew up with six siblings all large/tall girls. Needless to say, feeding six large girls during the Great Depression was an impossible feat. They went hungry a lot and eventually their parents shipped them all off to convents just so they could be fed (probably not just to be fed, but that was a major factor). Sister Katherine Mary taught us all a lot about appreciating what you have and not wasting. No student could leave the lunch room without finishing their entire lunch. There was very little waste. After the Thanksgiving holiday she collected turkey carcasses from parishioners and the students’ families. She and the other nuns would pick meat off the bones, so they had meat and again, no waste.

While Sister Katherine Mary was making a huge impression on me, my grandmother, who also grew up in the Great Depression, moved in with my family. The way she lived and acted and the lessons she taught us were very similar. She taught me to only take what I needed and not anything more. Combined these two women taught me to never ask for more, because I did not need it; I have so many things and blessings. It is very easy to live happily on very little. It is very hard to want much and have much. I could go on and on about these lessons on need and want. The point is, there is a little voice in the back of my head saying, “You don’t need it.” and, “Less is simpler.” "Don't spend too much." Simplicity is one of the ways to get closer to God.

Don't Be An Obamican and Other Things I Thought about on My Walk

Words I heard on the Laura Ingram Radio Show:

In reference to William F Buckley who died yesterday – may I say, before yesterday I knew nothing about him; after listening to prominent people and his friends talk about him, I am totally sad about his death and my ignorance.

Words on W.F. Buckley
Élan – vigorous spirit or enthusiasm
Brio – enthusiastic vigor

In reference to republicans voting for Barack Obama – who I personally think is the most evil of all candidates in the current presidential election, because all of his positions are in complete opposition on issues most important to me.

(He also reminds me of the grade school student council president candidate who promises ice cream at lunch every day, five more minutes for every recess and a real python for the school mascot. These empty, unrealistic, promises never come to fruition. They are stomped on by administration. He becomes the most non-functional, non-active president the school has ever seen and finally the student council becomes disbanded. Scary. Don't be an Obamican! A republican who votes for Obama.)

Back to the word…
Hegemonic – preponderant influence

You will clearly understand this word:

Recession – Just do not make new debts and keep paying old ones! Keep working hard in your job and take another one if you need it. Mmhm, that's what I think we all need.

We are modern-day Rome. Although, the U.S.A. is no where near as great as Rome. Rome fell. We will fall. We should move back to being an agrarian society. I totally want to be a subsistence farmer. But, I have no idea how to do this. Plus, it would take the purchase of land. That would take money. Money is something I do not have. By the time I have money, I might be too old to start a farm. I wonder if I found an unoccupied piece of land in the middle of no where (with a water source of course) if I could occupy it without paying for it and without anyone noticing. Whatever happened to the Homestead Act? I would totally do it organic and eco-friendly. I should go join the Amish. Too bad they're not Catholic.

I thought about other things on my walk, too many to share. It was a mentally productive walk.

A Little Disheartened

Erg! I am tired of sickness. I have been out of work half this week Andrew's been sick. Alexander's been sick. I have been sick for two and a half months straight. I am not kidding. It all started with a visit to my grandfather. He was apparently sick, which he announced after we already stayed with him a day. I pretty sure he made me sick. It turned into a long standing respiratory infection. I finally went to the doctor two weeks ago. He gave me steroids, which helped a little. They made me crazy. I finally felt like I was getting over it Monday. Then Andrew or maybe it was Alexander, gave me some new undesireable ailment. Blast this fickle cold and flu season!

Further, my uncle Patrick died last weekend. I am quite sad about this. He was closest in age to my Dad. My Dad and he were good friends when they were growing up. Dad is very depressed about this. He is currently in Australia attending his funeral. Uncle Pat had five kids and a loving wife. He had a great sense of humor, even though it was a bit off color. He was very sick in the end. He died of cancer. He will be missed. I feel really bad for my cousins (his children), who are all around my age, because they will really miss their Dad. Please say a prayer for the consolation of his family and the repose of his soul.

May His eternal light shine upon him.

Appreciation of Old Friends

Per our discussion, this Blog is for you.



It was great to talk to you last night. It made me so happy. Thanks for sharing your recipe and all your dreams for the future. You sound like you support your husband the way I support Andrew. "Whatever will make you happy dear, let's do it." Even if that changes everyday. It sure helps that their ideas are very creative and worth trying.



Thanks for being a good friend and giving good advice. I praised God first thing when I woke up this morning. My mother in law told me she prayed for God to give us a good day and I think for the most part it is working. I pray for a double good day for you and my in-laws and Andrew (always for Andrew).



Alexander is another story. Andrew and I just need to have patience. He is quite a handful. I think we are blessed with a "high need," intelligent child. We need to "channel" him positively. His smile makes up for any trouble he gives us.

ENOUGH

Alexander totally put me in a bad mood. It really makes me sad. He spent the whole morning throwing fits and crying. We were just not giving him what he wanted (I am not sure what he wanted). Then when we arrived at daycare, he walked in with a new attitude; walked over to one of the care providers, who has been gone two weeks, because she was sick, and he was extremely happy to see her; he gave her a loving hug and was ready for his day. I felt my heart drop a little and felt a little depressed. He spent the whole morning at home being angry with me and then lovingly hugged a caretaker who he has not seen for a while.

(I am trying to not take offense to this. He is 15 months old and his emotions are not entirely rational. Not to mention that none of us are morning people. It takes us all some time to wake up and be ready to interact with other people. )

I went to hang up his bag, then on my way out I peered into his room again gave him a smile and a wave and he returned it. His little face beamed. This warmed my heart again. However, as a mother who would like to be actually raising my child, this was not a good morning. Further, when he has me around and he gets the love and attention he wants from me, he seems better behaved. I am sure that our son is getting the care he needs, but it chills me that he is getting it from someone else. Apparently, motherly love is for sale and I stepped up and bought my son some good, bargain, tender, loving, care. I am angry about this.

Andrew said to me last night, "I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel." He was referring to his PhD program. This morning in the car on the way to work, I heard the echo of his words in my mind. I was attempting to use these words to comfort myself in my sadness about not being there for Alexander. However, it did not completely work. How long can I wait to properly mother Alexander? How much will it effect him if he is going on 4 years old when he finally has me around? He will not technically be my child. He will be a product of us and the people from daycare. It is weeks like these that I just want to quit this job and be a mother. (Of course, it would be a sticky situation to pay the bills.)

Sometimes both Andrew and I want to say, ENOUGH! We're done here! Our goal is to go back to live close to his family, because there, we believe that we have a good and loving support system. Is staying here any longer going to help us reach our goal? Sometimes we think that we have chose wrongly by leaving and going into debt to chase this dream. "Hindsight is 20/20." Although, I am not sure that we could have known what we were missing until we left it. We also had something to prove to ourselves.

I have hope for the future, but I know that the end of the tunnel is at least a year and a half away, more likely longer, two. I do not want to get in the habit of living only for what we may have in the future. I may miss out on today. I am glad that Andrew can now see the light. This is a hopeful sign for all.

Alexander Update

Age: 14 months 3 weeks (Baby/Toddler).

Height: 29 1/2 inches (short).

Head circumference: 19 inches (mighty).

Weight: 21 lbs. (practically perfect in every way).

Temperament: Frequently grouchy, pushy, cuddly, still gets the giggles.

Likes: Still Elmo's World, Veggie Tales Sing-A-Long, 123 Count With Me (DVDs); climbing everything; petting the kitty; trying mommy's food (even wasabi peas); peach juice; milk (all forms); being in arms of parents; going outdoors.

Dislikes: Funny textured food; not getting his own way; diaper changing.

Interesting: Strokes his belly when his shirt is off.

Activities: Playing with kids his own age at daycare. Gets into everything.

He still has a nebulizer treatment everyday to help prevent asthma trouble. He goes to bed at 8:00 pm with no fussing or fight. He wakes up in the middle of the night, and because his parents are too tired to soothe him and put him back in the crib, he comes to bed with his parents.

Future occupation: possibly a musician - showing early signs of rhythm.

Enjoy the update.

Bad Habits

I am glad it is Lent. I am working on my bad habits. But, today I am realizing that I have way too many. I don't know if I am having perfectionist thoughts, which are simply unattainable or if I am being totally realist about my faults.

I have such scattered thoughts. I constantly check websites that I have no business checking while at work. Everyday I check gofugyourself.com. It is a blog with hilarious commentary on bad celebrity fashion. I also check other friends blogs daily. (Zane, I check yours everyday even though you have not written anything since October. I am just hoping one day you might have time to give us another nugget of gold...here's hoping you do well on your orals.)

In other bad internet habits, I read the headliner stories on MSN every morning; look up products on amazon.com and add them to my wishlist; read babycenter.com updates; check my bank accounts; do anything to avoid starting the day. To make some excuse of it, my boss is way behind, so, I keep myself looking busy so I don't get too far ahead of her.

Fortunately, Lent is helping with my overeating habit and my bad, bad sweet tooth. I emphasize helping, because I must admit to not being perfect. All year round I struggle to be good in my eating habits, yet suddenly, because it's Lent and it is for God, I have self-control. This is totally blowing me away. I am seriously asking myself why I could not do this all year round for God. This question is seriously perplexing me. I think I might have to make it all the way through Lent to figure this one out. For the past two days there have been chocolates in the candy dish at the receptionist desk at my work. As I have watched them disappear, with alarming speed, I have turned my nose up at them. "Who are you?! and what have you done with Renee?"

Another extremely bad habit is not making the effort to pray--pray without ceasing--and pray with the family.

This brings me to the prayers on my heart now. Most importantly, please pray for my uncle. He is in a coma right now, battling critical illness. We are unsure of his future. He has a family who needs him. We are hoping for a full recovery. Please also pray for Andrew and I, for our souls to change, for our black stains to come clean, for our vanities to cease.

Meandering Thoughts on a Friday Morning

I think I have insomnia. Alexander slept through the night last night, but I didn't! I really haven't slept the night through since he was born. But, co-sleeping has helped me get enough sleep. In the last two months we have been trying to get Alexander to sleep the in his crib the whole night, on account of that he tries to nurse all night long. You would too if you were sleeping with your most favorite food right next to your mouth. Anyhow, he usually wakes up at some point in the night and sleeps with us for part of the night. Some nights it's more others it's less. But, all this waking up in the night has conditioned me to wake up a lot. Now, I am having trouble going back to sleep once I wake up. I better get used to it if I am going to have a few kids.

Most of the time, I eat right and exercise, so these things should help me to sleep better. But, I drink one cup of coffee every morning and sometimes tea at night. I should probably cut out the caffeine to see if that helps. But, I can't!!! Because, I am awake half the night (of my own accord, not baby related), so I need my morning cup-a-Joe, my little pick-me-up. I need it I tell you. Several times in the last couple of months I have skipped that cup of coffee only to develop a headache in the afternoon, followed by a delicious cup of coffee to cure it. Ooh! it's a vicious cycle!

It might not be the coffee. It might be hormones. In that case, what do I do?

On another topic, Great Fast has begun. Andrew and I are trying to stick as close to traditional Great Fast as possible. That means no meat, no dairy, no sweets for the entirety of Lent, except for Sundays, and strict fast (1 1/2 meals on Monday, Wednesday, Friday). We have done pretty well this week. We could probably do a little better. We have not increased are family prayer time yet, which we really need to do, because it is almost nothing right now (four prayers together, that's it). What is all this fasting really worth if prayer and good works do not increase with it? This time is meant to bring us closer to God and make our souls holy.

We will also be breaking Great Fast's strict rules during Spring Break, when we go to New York, because it will be too difficult to adhere, since we will not be at home in our own kitchen. We will likely try to keep some of the tradition. We will probably eat meat some days during the week. But, we will try to keep to the 1 1/2 meals on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

For some reason, because it is Lent and I psyched myself up for this for a couple of weeks beforehand, I think that it has been a little bit easier mentally to say, no, to the things I cannot have. There have been candies, brownies and meat at my work and I have turned away from them. I saw an ice cream cup in the freezer the other night and I wanted to eat it very bad. I kept thinking about it all evening long. But, somehow I resisted the temptation, which is not at all like me. So, perhaps God is working in my heart. Truly, if you had ever spent a day in my shoes, you would know that resisting that ice cream in my freezer and those brownies at work was a miracle. Perhaps this is the beginning a new and holier Renee. At one point in my life I was sure I was doing what was holy. During this Lenten time may God grant me the grace to come closer to holiness. I'll let you know how it goes.