Longing

My dear friends have longed for a baby of their own since they were engaged.  Now five years later, happily married for four years, they are still longing for a child.  God has brought them to adoption.

They have begun their research and for their current living situation they would only qualify to adopt a newborn.  So they are trying to make connections with pregnant mothers who are considering adoption.  They were advised that making personal connections through friends is the best way to begin newborn adoptions.  If you know of anyone who is considering adoption, contact me.  I will put you contact with the best parents anyone could hope for.  They are loving and considerate of each other and of all their family and friends.  Both are well-educated.  Most importantly, they are well-grounded in their faith.  They would have a lot to offer any child.  I would love them to be my parents.  In fact, I have designated them to take my own children in my will.  I trust them with my own children.

Lastly, pray for them in the journey.  Below is the novena prayer for pregnant mothers and those trying to conceive.  May it be done unto them as God wills it.

St. Gerard,
You worshiped Jesus as the Lord of Life.
I ask you today to pray
For my special intention.
(Mention your intention here.)
Lift up to Jesus
All those who seek to conceive a child,
All those having difficult pregnancies,
All who have suffered the loss of a child,
And all who lovingly lift up their children to God.
Pray that all of us,
By caring for mothers, fathers, and children
born and unborn
May build a Culture of Life,
In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Tot Talk: Stay Home

“Alex, let’s get ready to go to school.”

“No, I want to stay home.”

“With who? By yourself?”

“No, I want to stay home with Daddy.”

“No, you can’t.  Daddy is going to work.”

“I want to stay home with Mommy.”

“No, Mommy is going to work.”

“I will stay home with Mickey Mouse.”

 

Slow Times

I have not felt like blogging lately.  It’s been a frustrating few weeks, and I just don’t feel like the rest of the world needs to hear my every frustration, but hopefully in a few weeks things will be different. 

This morning I awoke to a crying toddler.  She had a fever.  She snuggled up to me most of the morning. Slept part of the morning in her crib followed by sleeping on my chest for the rest of the morning.  Then I gave her some motrin and she perked up for approximately five hours.  Though she was sick, she was an absolute delight.

I sent Alex off to school. There’s a long story to that, which I will explain at a later time.  He had a good day at school.  He really likes his teachers.  He has moved to an older class and they have a lot of stimulation for him.  I think a lot of it is above his head, but he is also maturing a lot too. 

Kristiana went to bed early and I baked cookies and spent a little one-on-one time with Alex.  When I put him to bed, I prayed with him and realized it was only the second time today I prayed.  It made those prayers all the more special.

I am hoping to have a holier day tomorrow.  Maybe I will find my groove—a groove I can share in the blogging world.

Joy

I've got joy, joy, joy, deep down in my heart.  I am full. :-D I just had to share.

There haven't been any cutie pictures of the kids lately mainly because Kristiana cannot remain still enough to capture her.   Modern cameras are pretty good at capturing kids on the go, but not even modern technology can account for her lightening speed.  I am sure there is going to be some sort of pay off for her energy and intelligence--someday.

In good news, Kristiana stopped vomitting.  I switched her from cheap "sensitive" formula to expensive stuff and that helped.  They're supposed to be the same, but obviously they are not.  She has a really sensitive tummy and a strong gag reflex.  She is sleeping normally again. Praise be to God!  I was starting to get neurotic about it.

Alex is so cute these days (K-dawg is too).  He is able to tell us all about his day and it is just precious.  He named his stuffed monkey that he sleeps with at naptime, "Oo-aa-aa."  So cute!  TMI, but he also decided to start peeing standing up.  It's too cute--such a little man.  He also has started saying, "No, let me do it."  How mature?!

I am just focusing on being wife and mother right now and I have a lot of joy, joy, joy.

Gong Show With a Side of Delicious

Wow. In the span of 48 hours, life has been a roller coaster.  I personally experience a wide spectrum of emotions.

Friday I “felt” as though the world was crushing in on me.  I probably would have been better left alone that day.  Right from the start this was horrible day.  Kristiana had been throwing up all week.  She doesn’t seem sick other than some congestion and sporadic puking.  I have suspected food allergies, such as lactose intolerance, expect we don’t believe she has had any lactose all week.  So I am stumped—not to mention the laundry that she has generated.  I have been puked on more times than I can count this month.  It is clear something is not right.

All night long Kristiana had woken up with an apparent tummy ache.  Then she woke up at 6:30 a.m. with the worst smelling diarrhea.  But, still her demeanor was been normal.  So I sent her to daycare and went off to work.

I skipped breakfast and was running on coffee and adrenaline.  I was scooting along fine at work, but by lunch I was starting feeling emotional. I had little sleep and nothing in my tummy and well let’s be honest my hormones were not on my side either.  I could see the walls crumbling—my baby’s sick, my stomach is empty, my hormones are on overdrive, I spent my lunch hour crying and all week long my husband and I have been trying to decide if we should dive into the biggest financial decision of our lives and buy a house (which that does not seem to be working out)—and now it was time for my yearly performance evaluation!

I went home depressed.  My husband does not respond well to my sadness.  He gets really depressed and angry about it.  I ate through my sorrows.  I ate some leftover pasta and that seemed to comfort me.  We had a friend coming for dinner and we were going to do a little French cooking.  I made poached tilapia and steamed broccoli with a parisienne white wine sauce.  All of this kind of forced us to move away from our mood.  I was in a peaceful place while cooking.  By the time we sat down for dinner, it was late and I was exhausted, so was our guest.  It was a short and quiet dinner party. 

Around 9:30 p.m. I took a bath (after Kristiana puked on me, it’s a nightly thing now) and read My Life in France by Julia Child.  I received the book for Christmas. Every time I read it, I say I am going to France.  She definitely brought her time in France to life in this book.  After my bath, I settled into bed for the night.

Saturday was a day of joy.  The children were content (despite more puking).  The chores came easily.  The world seemed clear.  Hopefully the clarity and calm will continue.

Sunday we enjoyed perfect Eggs Benedict.  You may be wondering why my eggs are so round.  Julia said that a good substitute for a poached egg is a six-minute soft boiled egg.  Since I still have yet to properly poach an egg, I was relieved to find this substitute.  It WAS the perfect substitute, and I could easily become addicted to soft boiled eggs. 

All this makes me feel a lot like Julie Powell from Julie & Julia.  Renee feeling frustrated, knowing I am so much more, reading about the life of Julia Child, learning to cook French and redeemed by amazing food.  There is something redeeming about the artistry in life.

Now let a sleepy afternoon commence.  Pray for me in my craziness. I need to relinquish all to my Creator.  Pray for Haiti (so much more important).

The Spiral

Sunday, I was at the park pushing my daughter on the swing when a blonde, muscle-bound Adonis, pushing his son asked me if I had seen the Cowboys game. I smirked, and apologetically replied, “No.”
“Oh, you’ve been here?”
“Um yeah, we have been out and about today.” Not true, but admitting you willingly missed a Cowboys game, let alone the playoffs, is just a faux pas you don’t admit in these parts. Yeah, he was missing the game too, but it appeared he was on a date, so I guess that’s his excuse.
I am not much of a football fan. I barely understand the rules, which as I understand it, I am not the only one even amongst football fans. This is all quite ironic seeing as how I work for 11,000 football coaches with the national professional association (not including the real name of my work on purpose).
Last week I was at our annual national convention doing my part in a stellar production. It was a lot of running around, making sure things were where they were supposed to be, giving directions, orchestrating, making scowls at the computer, one little innovation (ha, why didn’t we think of that on earlier) and a little bit of “shake and howdy” with college football coaches most could only dream to meet. I don’t need to name drop. That just seems immature to me. In general, football coaches are just nice folks with an uncommon career.
Oh okay, personally, of all the coaches I have met at convention, Mack Brown has always nice to me. He always stops and takes a moment to say hello to me, shake my hand and ask me how I am. ;-) He does that for everyone and it's nice. He make people feel good and ain't bad at coaching either. He gave the best speech at my first convention in 2006. He talked all about his failings and how he learned success from them.
This year, was strange for me. I felt really lonely. It was my first time away from the kids, aside from one night away from Alexander once. I felt out of sorts. I felt happy and sad, extroverted and introverted. The hotel was hot and had bad karma (no sure what that mean, but I felt something strange). After it was over everyone reported that they could not sleep, as did I. I was an unexpected leader and had a drama queen moment. It was not my most shining moment. Let’s just say that some people at my work don’t have the best people skills and I didn’t take kindly to it.
In short, I just did not feel like myself. Pieces of my identity were missing—my husband, my kids, my church, my routine. It was too noisy to hear my soul, or my God. It was boisterous and ceaseless. I do not remember the last time I felt like this, or if I have ever felt like this. By the end I felt myself spiraling away. If I were a football, my experience could be summed as thus: there were some great passes and there some not so great passes; there were some in the wrong direction and some were a perfect spiral floating effortlessly from QB to receiver. But at least I can say, I did not fumble and I didn't pull a Romo (how's that for a football reference?).
Orlando was a nice place to visit. It's spread out, easy to navigate, and very entertaining. I spent and extra day there and went the Morse Museum where they have the largest collection of Tiffany's art outside of Tiffany's studios. It was a quite an experience. The craftsmanship and artistry definitely lit my heart afire.
I spent my extra day in Orlando with my former co-worker Sandi. She just retired and lives there. Work will not be the same without her. She is a pioneer in our association, and now she is the only female honorary life member. We all know that she has been the real brains of the operation. But, the torch has been passed and I am confident those who have taken it on will hold the torch high and bright. Sandi, I think, is a kindred spirit of mine. We are a lot alike. It was fun to see Orlando through her eyes.
It's taken a few days to get back into the swing of things. However, I am trying to see things in my life—faith, family, work—with new vision. How strange it is that a week away from home has given me a realignment. Let's see where this pass takes me.

Tot Talk: Little Reminders

This morning I was rocking out to Handel's Messiah on the car ride into work/daycare. I was also deep in thought about buying a house. We found a nice one and I think I was decorating it in my head. :-) I was thinking about the big step that buying a house is and wondering if we are ready for it. Most importantly, I was examining my place in the world, the cosmos, wondering if this is the new direction I am supposed to take. I was far, far away from my morning grind.

All of a sudden, like being awakened from a dream, I heard my son repeating what he had just said the moment before.

“What you doing, Mommy?! You missed my school.”

Thank the heavens he is such an astute little three year old. I probably would have made it all the way to the free-way before I noticed, and it would have been a lot more difficult to turn around and go back had I done that. Instead, I was able to take a short detour back to the school. I thanked Alex over and over again for telling me. I asked him where his school was and he pointed the exact direction to go back.

It one of those astounding moments when you realize your kids are not just kids, they are as with it as any adult only lacking experience and emotional control.

Resolutions Update

1. I have used reusable grocery bags once out the two times I have been to the store.  But, the second time was a one bag, quicky trip (excuses, excuses).

2. I have read one hour once. I hope I can make this work. It's been busy week since making this resolution (more excuses).

3. I have gone for a jog once.  This should get better after my convention (What another excuse! You can see how this is bad for the soul). 

This resolution thing is going to be harder than I thought.

Uh Oh!!! It’s That Time of Year

Walking Dead - Andrew has the big bad flu! Andrew started out sick on Monday morning. I have had trouble getting him to slow down all week. He has been out and about and working all week. This morning it became apparent that he has the full blown flu. He took his temperature this morning and for the fourth day in a row it’s been a little over 100 degrees, and he’s been achy and he has had really bad chest congestion all week. He’s out of commission.

Midnight Bandit - Kristiana has had congestion all week too, but she has not had fevers. So I don’t think she has the flu. But, when she gets stuffy and congested and starts coughing, she pukes. She has a really strong gag reflex. I have been puked on four times in the night this week.

Kristiana has also been really obnoxious in the night. She wakes up throughout the night screaming to be held or fed or play. She’s so headstrong. She’s a woman who knows what she wants and demands it. Last night we kept her up until 9:00 pm and she slept through the night. I guess she doesn’t need as much sleep as Alex. She is good with about 10 hours of sleep, which is low for a kid her age. Alex is good with about 12-14 hours sleep, which a lot for a kid his age. But both are still within the normal range.

Little Trooper - Alex started the week with a double ear infection. He was prescribed antibiotics and he hasn’t complained about it since. I took him out for juice and doughnuts after he saw the doctor, because he didn’t want to go back to school. I figured that would soften the blow of having to go back to school. I am not a cruel mom; he did have Tylenol and was fine. He never had a fever either. He has been a lot more communicative about his wants, needs and perspectives this week. I like it! The next day after school he jumped in his car seat and said, “I had a good day at school.” But today, his teacher wasn’t there and he had a meltdown and it broke my heart. My mother’s intuition told me not to leave him, but I did anyway. I hope he is okay!

AWOL Mom - Tomorrow I head off to my yearly convention with my job. I will be gone a week. My business puts on the convention, so there is a lot of work to be done. It will be at the least twelve hour days. It can be pretty interesting, energizing and daunting at times. In the past, I have taken Alex and my mom with me, because Alex was still nursing. This will be my first convention in four years without a baby. This is also the first time I have been away from the kids. They are going to hate it. I will miss the whole family a lot. But, on the bright side, I will probably catch up on some sleep.

My mother-in-law has been enlisted to help Andrew with the kids since it will be the first week of classes for him. He is going to have to muscle through a day and half alone with the kids and the flu.

PRAYERS NEEDED! – Pray for Andrew that he gets well soon. Pray for the kids that they stay well and behave well for Andrew while I am gone. Pray for me and my travels. Pray that I don’t get sick! Pray for my mother-in-law and that her travels go smoothly. Pray for Aunt Amy and her family. She just had her double mastectomy—may she recover quickly and her family is granted fortitude, courage, and peace. And of course, always pray for the purification of our souls.

Resolutions are for Those Weak in Soul

Normally I don’t make New Year’s resolutions—or resolutions in general.  It would seem to me that one should not have to wait until the first day of the new year to decide to change one’s bad habits, do new things, or anything of the sort.  One can decide anytime to make changes, or as a dear friend once said, “You may have made your bed, but you don’t have to lie in it.”

Last year, my husband and I jokingly resolved to eat more Whataburger (Texas burger chain).  We ate there a couple of times and never truly fulfilled this resolution.  This brings me to a second point about resolutions—most people never keep those oh so sincere resolutions, and end up being sorrier than the were before they made their noble-hearted, life-changing, soul-altering resolution. Therefore in general, I do not make resolutions.  If I never resolve, I never have to feel the agony of defeat, nor test my soul in ways, perhaps, it should not be tested, as in making myself the sole center of my attention…

BUT, I guess I have a weak soul, because I have decided to make a couple of resolutions, because I feel like it and there are a few things I want to do. So here they are and say a little prayer for my weak soul.

I resolve to:

1. Use my reusable grocery bags every time I go to the store. I had trouble remembering to use them. I had trouble getting the baggers to use them. I had trouble keeping them in order. But, I think I can manage it now. Look, I even folded them and put them in this bigger bag.

2. Read at least one hour each night.

3. Exercise at least three times a week. (I haven’t been working out for two whole months, because this season at my work is intense.)

These should not be too consequential to my soul; they are just easy-going and organic.  Good luck and God speed with your own resolutions.

Christmas Cuties

Kristiana hated her stupid Christmas dress. 
She couldn’t wait to take it off.

 

Alex and Daddy’s Christmas sword fight. Alex won.
Btw, Alex wore that outfit to Christmas liturgy.
We were embarrassed, but he insisted.
The shirt says, “My Mom kicks harder than you.”

Sir Andrew

Goodbye family. We will miss thee!

And the Word Was Made Flesh

  We spent all day making traditional Byzantine meatless Christmas Eve dishes to prepare our souls for the birth of our Lord.  It was intense. I did not sit down or stop cooking all day. Wow! My mother-in-law kept on cleaning up dishes after me all day long. I couldn’t have down it with out her. I don’t think that making all of it in one day was a good idea, but I didn’t have time to do it any other time.




What we made: Kolache (braided bread), Poppy seed bread roll, cabbage rolls stuffed with rice, pyrohy (potato dumpling), prunes and mixed dried fruit, green beans, saute mushrooms, mashed potatoes and stuffed salmon.



My favorite thing was the poppy seed bread roll.  The kids were pretty well behaved all day and even helped at times.

Yesterday, we made some crafts.  I came up with this little craft for our Christmas table. Later in the evening I watched “The Nativity Story” for the first time. I liked it, but I think there were some parts that were really poorly done. Nevertheless, it’s the only feature length film that is about the first Christmas, the Nativity of our Lord.  Anytime I read, see, learn pray about Mary, Blessed Theotokos, I always am deeply stirred.  The only thing I can think is that she was the most pure human who was not also God.  That really hits me. It’s proof to me that anything under God is possible.
I’d like to think of something awe-inspiring to commemorate the birth of our Lord to post, but I am exhausted and I am going to spend the next couple days just enjoying family and focusing on these Holy days. Much love to you and your family and peace on Earth.

Smothered

I think that is one of the most exciting, comforting, loving, overwhelming words in  the English language.  When what is being smothered is food with cheese, there is no greater form of love—cheese dripping over and loving every crevice of edible morsel.

Around 4:00 p.m. Friday, I received a phone  call from my husband, “What are you doing with these scallops I see defrosting?”

“I don’t know. I was going to figure that out when I got home.”

“Don’t you want to do something out of ‘THE’ cook book?”

“I don’t know? Why?”

“There’s a recipe here. I am going to go ahead and make it.”

“Okay, go for it.”

What I arrived home to was 100% pure love broiling in the oven. Andrew is very good at following directions, and there were many; sauté,  sauté, chop, sauté, flour, sauté, reduce, cover in cheese, broil; results: perfection! Soft, sweet mollusks oozing with melted cheese. Heaven—pure heaven—procured for consumption by my loving husband. Amen.

Tot Talk – Is it Brown? OR…

I put a brown polo-shirt and brown corduroys on Alexander this morning.
He looked down at his shirts and patted his little chest and said,
"Mommy, me, Alex chockette? [giggle] I am chockette [to]day.”

“Yes, Alex your shirt is chocolate colored.”

And here is a picture of Alex jumping on his bed slinging his slinky.
I just thought it was a cool picture.

Three Monastery Soups

So I received this cook book earlier in November just in time for the Nativity Fast.  While there are many soups that have meat and cream, there are also some good all vegetable soups. These are the one’s I have tried so far.  All turned out pretty delicious. We had plenty left-overs for me to take for my lunch. I love soup, especially when it is cold like it is now. But, still there seems to be something lacking.  Maybe my husband is right, soup really isn’t a meal in itself, especially when it’s all vegetable. It needs bread and butter and meat and cream.  I feel very monastic.  If any of these soups intrigue you, email me for the recipe.





Swiss Chard and Lentil Soup – a full bodied soup, yet forgettable.  It is also stinky. But, I was excited to use Swiss chard, because I had never used that leaf before.  The chard was one of the good parts of this soup.
 

Broccoli Rabbe and White Bean Soup – Soft, mellow flavors—very comforting.  This soup was an unexpected winner.


St. Nicholas Soup – reminiscent of vichyssoise, all the below ingredients became an orange puree. I am not sure that making it puree was the best way to bring out the marriage of these ingredients.  In the end, I added a little goat milk to it and it took on the flavor the milk, which is never a good sign.  Overall, I cannot really complain about it. It was, again, simply forgettable. 

A Little Seasonal Decorating

Alex and I made this house at the church tonight.
Alex ate candy. I decorated the house.
Then Alex burned off his sugar high chasing around other little boys his age.
Meeting with friends made the event worth while.
Although, next year I may do this at home instead.

Side Note: I have been busy lately. I like being busy, but I haven’t taken time to think and pray. Hence, there’s been less posting. But, pray for me that I can get back on track and do good things with my mind and good actions in my home and community. “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on my a sinner.

St. Nicholas Day

We had a little party for St. Nicholas’ Feast today, but I forgot to take pictures of the kids enjoying.  So these are the pictures I took before and after the party. The children learned about St. Nicholas at the party, then they colored pictures and ate cookies and finally St. Nicholas visited and left them each a small gift of clementines, bells, whistles, candy and a St. Nicholas ornament (www.stnicholascenter.org). The children each brought a gift to donate to less fortunate children. (Side story--see below.)

Alexander helped me make my first batch of sugar cookies (first as in I have never made sugar cookies before). The decorating part was more labor intensive than I would have liked, but they turned out well. Then Alex could not go to the party because he had a little stomach bug. But, Kristiana went and I think that she enjoyed it the most of anyone. ;-)

  

Side Story – On Saturday, the Marines were outside Wal-mart in nice dress uniforms with a box for Toy for Tots. I, like any woman, love a man in uniform, and I know children like fancy uniforms too.  So, I took this for a teaching moment. I asked Alexander to look in the box and see the toys. I told him that he was going to go in the store and pick out a toy he wanted and he was going to put it in the box to give to another child. He liked the idea of picking out a toy, but not that he had to give it away.  I was very fearful of an impending meltdown, so as we picked the toy I told Alex over and over again that he was going to give it to another child.  When we left the store and it was time to put the toy in the box, I gave it to Alex, and told him to put it in the box. He took it and walked over to the box and tipped it in.  The marines cheered for Alex and we went on our way merrily.  I guess you had to have been there.  The chorus of men cheering for the little boy was so spontaneous, and I think it made it an happy, memorable event.

Beauty in Suffering

The other night I had a brief, angst filled dream of pain and suffering. At every turn I saw or experienced pain and suffering.  I could not escape. I was lost. Everyone about me were confused and sad—toiling in their pain. All I wanted to do was to tell everyone that this is no way to live out their suffering.  But, I was mute.  Then as hot, aching tears streamed from my eyes I could hear a beautiful poem.  It was my own voice, but I was not saying it.  I cannot remember it all now, but it went something like this:

“You say your suffering is for naught.
Truly if you say it is for naught, then that is what it will be.
There are others who suffer more than you
and live their suffering with love for Thee.

For in their hearts suffering, trials and tribulations, are gifts from God—an opportunity like no other to step closer to the Lord—to be bathed in His love.

If you suffer with a pure heart, your suffering will not feel like pain, but will be like a moment to rest in the warm embrace of the Lord.

So, “gird your loins,” and turn to the Lord.
Do not ask Him why you must endure this suffering, but pray that it may be offered in communion with the Passion of Christ, that sins may be forgiven and you may be bound to eternal life.

The Beauty of suffering is that it will bring you to the love of the Lord so long as you do not turn away.”

…and then I woke up.

Kristiana's Very First Year

One year ago today our little girl was born. 

Kristiana walks and talks (a little).  She says Mama, Dada and Al-la (for Alex). She says ball and uh-oh. 

She likes table food better than mush.

She is good at screaming very loudly when she is unhappy.

I am not sure if she is a Tomboy, or just an adoring little sister.  She loves all of Alexander's toys and hates dolls and girly things. But, she also likes following Alex around and doing what he does, so it's hard to tell.

Birthday shoes from Auntie Sarah

All bundled up

Boots